Love is so precious,
But like gold in a gold rush,
Only few find it.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright December 2016
Monday, December 5, 2016
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Filled
This is how life works,
From depravity... hatred
From abundance... love
...
<SI> Scott Izu
Copyright November 2016
From depravity... hatred
From abundance... love
...
<SI> Scott Izu
Copyright November 2016
Saturday, November 12, 2016
My Neighbor's Wife
I fell in love with my neighbor's wife,
And little did I know,
It would all end in strife
But she walked with such a glow.
Her form amazed me,
As I glanced across the room,
As if she was all I could see,
And all I could consume.
The people around me had no clue,
What preoccupied my mind,
Things I should never do,
But her beauty made me blind.
Her presence calmed the beast inside,
Yet turned me into an adventerous soul.
Hours upon hours would I ride,
To follow her just like a fool.
I dreamed again as life beat again,
Of romantic days and passioned nights,
Oh heaven sent such holy sin,
Of shooting stars and brilliant lights.
A string quartet of three has never played,
For envy and hatred would fill his being,
Even tailored to by two she'd be dismayed.
Only disappointment to me would this bring.
So alas I tried to give it up,
For all this I should despise,
But still in bed I held my cup,
As I gazed into her eyes.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright November 2016
And little did I know,
It would all end in strife
But she walked with such a glow.
Her form amazed me,
As I glanced across the room,
As if she was all I could see,
And all I could consume.
The people around me had no clue,
What preoccupied my mind,
Things I should never do,
But her beauty made me blind.
Her presence calmed the beast inside,
Yet turned me into an adventerous soul.
Hours upon hours would I ride,
To follow her just like a fool.
I dreamed again as life beat again,
Of romantic days and passioned nights,
Oh heaven sent such holy sin,
Of shooting stars and brilliant lights.
A string quartet of three has never played,
For envy and hatred would fill his being,
Even tailored to by two she'd be dismayed.
Only disappointment to me would this bring.
So alas I tried to give it up,
For all this I should despise,
But still in bed I held my cup,
As I gazed into her eyes.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright November 2016
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Heart and Soul
The sculpture,
Obtains its true form after being chiseled.
The raku pot,
Must be molded and shocked into its final shape.
The samurai sword,
Is sharpened through repeated and instense striking.
The mighty oak,
Sheds its dead leaves each fall.
The butterfly,
Develops through a cacooning of personal transformation.
The phoenix,
Rises only after it has been burned to ashes.
The diamond,
Can radiate only after years of experiencing extreme pressure.
...
The heart of a true champion can only be revealed through the test of time.
The illumination from the soul can only come after enduring life's great challenges.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016
Obtains its true form after being chiseled.
The raku pot,
Must be molded and shocked into its final shape.
The samurai sword,
Is sharpened through repeated and instense striking.
The mighty oak,
Sheds its dead leaves each fall.
The butterfly,
Develops through a cacooning of personal transformation.
The phoenix,
Rises only after it has been burned to ashes.
The diamond,
Can radiate only after years of experiencing extreme pressure.
...
The heart of a true champion can only be revealed through the test of time.
The illumination from the soul can only come after enduring life's great challenges.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016
Friday, October 21, 2016
7 Points of Confusion
There are many things I have confused in my life,
Yes, many things to be twisted in time
...
Familiarity and comfort,
Quite opposite they be,
For what I am used to makes me quite uncomfortable,
A progressive man I am,
A hunter, going after the next big thing,
I cannot just stay where I am,
Growth motivates me and fuels my passion,
...
Sexuality and intimacy,
I have had sexuality with no intimacy,
And later, it fills me with shame,
The dark depths of the closet which I seek to clean,
I have had intimacy without sexuality,
From which I might feel the weight of a broken relationship,
And long for the companionship of another years later,
...
Curiosity with attraction,
Oh, what random thoughts race through my mind!
My natural inclination to explore runs quite a muck,
I even doubted my own orientation,
Simply because I was curious about homosexuality,
Curious about the most taboo subjects,
Has dead ended in disgust rather than attraction.
...
Strong versus weak,
I thought I was strong by being the soldier,
Carrying the weight all on my own,
I was simply made weak since no one was there,
But true strength is the ability to ask for help when needed,
Healthy adults can equally rely on others and can be relied upon
And true strength comes from where we are most weak.
...
Performance versus worth,
I thought I was worth what I had accomplished,
I thought I could earn my parents love,
I thought if I did enough it would undo the words spoken by others
But human beings are worthy alone
Just by existing they have extreme value
For they have a soul which will long outlive their works
...
Character and reputation,
I used to have a great reputation,
And such bad character
Then, I came clean and sought a pure heart
My character started to grow
While my reputation was shot
What God thinks of you versus another's point of view
...
Good versus bad,
I used to think I was good,
But this in and of itself was bad,
For my desire to be good,
Hid from me what was bad,
As if I could be good enough to outweigh the wretched man
So now I focus on daily doing rather than being.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016
Yes, many things to be twisted in time
...
Familiarity and comfort,
Quite opposite they be,
For what I am used to makes me quite uncomfortable,
A progressive man I am,
A hunter, going after the next big thing,
I cannot just stay where I am,
Growth motivates me and fuels my passion,
...
Sexuality and intimacy,
I have had sexuality with no intimacy,
And later, it fills me with shame,
The dark depths of the closet which I seek to clean,
I have had intimacy without sexuality,
From which I might feel the weight of a broken relationship,
And long for the companionship of another years later,
...
Curiosity with attraction,
Oh, what random thoughts race through my mind!
My natural inclination to explore runs quite a muck,
I even doubted my own orientation,
Simply because I was curious about homosexuality,
Curious about the most taboo subjects,
Has dead ended in disgust rather than attraction.
...
Strong versus weak,
I thought I was strong by being the soldier,
Carrying the weight all on my own,
I was simply made weak since no one was there,
But true strength is the ability to ask for help when needed,
Healthy adults can equally rely on others and can be relied upon
And true strength comes from where we are most weak.
...
Performance versus worth,
I thought I was worth what I had accomplished,
I thought I could earn my parents love,
I thought if I did enough it would undo the words spoken by others
But human beings are worthy alone
Just by existing they have extreme value
For they have a soul which will long outlive their works
...
Character and reputation,
I used to have a great reputation,
And such bad character
Then, I came clean and sought a pure heart
My character started to grow
While my reputation was shot
What God thinks of you versus another's point of view
...
Good versus bad,
I used to think I was good,
But this in and of itself was bad,
For my desire to be good,
Hid from me what was bad,
As if I could be good enough to outweigh the wretched man
So now I focus on daily doing rather than being.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
So He Cheated on You. What now?
I know what you want to do. You want to hurt him. You want to hurt him so bad, he feels the pain you do. You want to destroy the outside world so all can bear the chaos you feel within.
But truly, I tell you, a man and woman may become one flesh. And if your right hand betrayed you, would you cut it off? For if you destroy him, you destroy you.
A woman scorn they say. But do you know why a woman is blessed with such Godly wrath? It is spared for evil men, who kill their husbands or attack their families. It is not for a woman to destroy herself.
I tell you, if you seek revenge, you will find justice. Oh yes, justice will be served. For this man has no excuse and no worthy defense. But with your justice, a man's heart will be forever hardened. Yes, you will murder him. And along with him, your sons will be murdered also.
But do you want to know how to destroy the evil within? To wage true war on the devil himself?
You love on him. You love him till he falls to his knees tortured by the fact that he does not deserve it. Let his soul torment and convict him more than you ever could. Give the greatest grace that can only be answered with humble gratitude and a contrite heart.
Such a woman is rare as the finest rubies. Such a woman saves herself and her children.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016
But truly, I tell you, a man and woman may become one flesh. And if your right hand betrayed you, would you cut it off? For if you destroy him, you destroy you.
A woman scorn they say. But do you know why a woman is blessed with such Godly wrath? It is spared for evil men, who kill their husbands or attack their families. It is not for a woman to destroy herself.
I tell you, if you seek revenge, you will find justice. Oh yes, justice will be served. For this man has no excuse and no worthy defense. But with your justice, a man's heart will be forever hardened. Yes, you will murder him. And along with him, your sons will be murdered also.
But do you want to know how to destroy the evil within? To wage true war on the devil himself?
You love on him. You love him till he falls to his knees tortured by the fact that he does not deserve it. Let his soul torment and convict him more than you ever could. Give the greatest grace that can only be answered with humble gratitude and a contrite heart.
Such a woman is rare as the finest rubies. Such a woman saves herself and her children.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016
Monday, October 10, 2016
Where the Wind Blows There I Am
If you wish to study the physical world,
Do you not use the tools of the physical world?
Do you not use your eyes to see, ears to hear, nose to smell, mouth to taste and fingers to touch?
And you who do not have any impairments,
For some are born near sighted, others far sighted, some deaf, paralyzed, color blind,
If you without impairments cannot understand the simplest of things in the physical realm,
How then do you hope to discern the spiritual realm for which you are even less equipped?
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016
Do you not use the tools of the physical world?
Do you not use your eyes to see, ears to hear, nose to smell, mouth to taste and fingers to touch?
And you who do not have any impairments,
For some are born near sighted, others far sighted, some deaf, paralyzed, color blind,
If you without impairments cannot understand the simplest of things in the physical realm,
How then do you hope to discern the spiritual realm for which you are even less equipped?
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016
Monday, October 3, 2016
Memoirs of Arrogance
Dear friend,
How arrogant was I?
A fellow sojourner,
Intelligence, above all.
Someone who knew how to make it in this world.
Someone who had brilliance and relatability.
I betrayed your trust.
Now, drunk and alone,
I feel the loss of what once was.
Your friendship, your companionship.
My greed would take,
Afraid to lose an opportunity,
A moment.
For it all vanishes anyway.
Words on a page simple cannot undo.
You forgave me long ago.
Placing joy in my soul for I know you are free.
But as for me,
I am plagued with the actions I have performed.
And forever will be.
Your friend of long ago,
Me.
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016
How arrogant was I?
A fellow sojourner,
Intelligence, above all.
Someone who knew how to make it in this world.
Someone who had brilliance and relatability.
I betrayed your trust.
Now, drunk and alone,
I feel the loss of what once was.
Your friendship, your companionship.
My greed would take,
Afraid to lose an opportunity,
A moment.
For it all vanishes anyway.
Words on a page simple cannot undo.
You forgave me long ago.
Placing joy in my soul for I know you are free.
But as for me,
I am plagued with the actions I have performed.
And forever will be.
Your friend of long ago,
Me.
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Fears
First, I'm defective.
Soon after, I'm rejected.
Last, I'm abandoned.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright September 2016
Soon after, I'm rejected.
Last, I'm abandoned.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright September 2016
Saturday, July 9, 2016
Wrecking Ball
The ultimate rejection,
Divorce,
Flashed through me like glass hitting the floor
The pain so deep I scattered
Just wishing it would go away.
Pieces of glass on the floor were sources of my identity
The medical institute accepted me in
As the base ball bat slipped through my fingers to the floor
Wanting to shatter windows
To show what raged inside me
Like distant memories of an angry father
To make the external match the internal
And the judgement that weighed on my shoulders
Was enough to convince me
That I was bad
That I was wrong
Enough to convince me
My kids would be better off without me
Heart broken I was willing to leave forever
A friend from the least expected of places walked and talked
Convinced me to battle
"The war we wage is not of flesh and bones," He said
Then, a voice deep within me
Whispered to fight
From my knees
Wounded and broken
So...
I did
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright 2016
Divorce,
Flashed through me like glass hitting the floor
The pain so deep I scattered
Just wishing it would go away.
Pieces of glass on the floor were sources of my identity
The medical institute accepted me in
As the base ball bat slipped through my fingers to the floor
Wanting to shatter windows
To show what raged inside me
Like distant memories of an angry father
To make the external match the internal
And the judgement that weighed on my shoulders
Was enough to convince me
That I was bad
That I was wrong
Enough to convince me
My kids would be better off without me
Heart broken I was willing to leave forever
A friend from the least expected of places walked and talked
Convinced me to battle
"The war we wage is not of flesh and bones," He said
Then, a voice deep within me
Whispered to fight
From my knees
Wounded and broken
So...
I did
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright 2016
Thursday, July 7, 2016
The Blacker The Berry
I have tasted of the sweetest fruit,
Beauties that you never would have known,
My conservative exterior is the perfect camoflouge
For my restless interior,
I thought any woman would quiet my soul,
But I soon learned that was not the case.
So like a wild stalion,
I thought if I was to roam free,
That would bring me peace,
Threesomes and orgies,
I was showered with attention,
Yet, it left me even more alone.
I thought a popular cheerleader or actress or model would please me
For nothing feels greater than the envy of eyes
As I walk through stares standing next to a tight red dress
But intimacy only revealed the subtle flaws.
I thought perhaps a woman from my roots was the answer,
So I chased English and Japanese and Puerto Rican girls.
I have tried it all but to no avail.
Was youth the answer,
Thirsting like a blood lust,
Chasing a mystic fountain?
No, for my years have aged my taste buds.
One might think I must be gay,
But no, I have tried that too.
Unfortunately enough,
I have tried a few.
But all and all,
Experience does not seem to lead me closer.
More like frozen with the possibility,
That perhaps there is no hope.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
July 2016
Beauties that you never would have known,
My conservative exterior is the perfect camoflouge
For my restless interior,
I thought any woman would quiet my soul,
But I soon learned that was not the case.
So like a wild stalion,
I thought if I was to roam free,
That would bring me peace,
Threesomes and orgies,
I was showered with attention,
Yet, it left me even more alone.
I thought a popular cheerleader or actress or model would please me
For nothing feels greater than the envy of eyes
As I walk through stares standing next to a tight red dress
But intimacy only revealed the subtle flaws.
I thought perhaps a woman from my roots was the answer,
So I chased English and Japanese and Puerto Rican girls.
I have tried it all but to no avail.
Was youth the answer,
Thirsting like a blood lust,
Chasing a mystic fountain?
No, for my years have aged my taste buds.
One might think I must be gay,
But no, I have tried that too.
Unfortunately enough,
I have tried a few.
But all and all,
Experience does not seem to lead me closer.
More like frozen with the possibility,
That perhaps there is no hope.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
July 2016
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Letting a Lover Go
It seems like a lifetime ago,
I remember the scent, the scene, the feeling,
And the moment I recollect the memory,
Instantly I miss it all.
My mind wanders through a myriad of ways,
To reopen the door,
But the door was closed for a reason,
So I must force myself to remember how to let go,
Then, like a shard to the heart,
I must actually do it.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
July 2016
I remember the scent, the scene, the feeling,
And the moment I recollect the memory,
Instantly I miss it all.
My mind wanders through a myriad of ways,
To reopen the door,
But the door was closed for a reason,
So I must force myself to remember how to let go,
Then, like a shard to the heart,
I must actually do it.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
July 2016
Monday, June 6, 2016
Wendy Bird
I felt it the instant you were gone,
A hole in my heart,
Am I brought to ashes,
A corpse I was already,
Now death remains.
Angry, because you didn't even say good bye.
All of my schemes,
As I scream for control,
Yet powerlessness remains.
So be it.
If this is the only way.
Star crossed lovers were never meant to be.
You must have your reasons,
Though they will plague me.
Even twenty years later.
A martyr though I try to change.
Sadness.
A huge chunk of my life gone.
Vanished.
Yet, I had no say in the matter.
Ramblings, Ravings.
It does not matter.
Life goes on no matter how I feel.
You know what they say about a bird you love.
So I guess I have no choice.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright 2016
A hole in my heart,
Am I brought to ashes,
A corpse I was already,
Now death remains.
Angry, because you didn't even say good bye.
All of my schemes,
As I scream for control,
Yet powerlessness remains.
So be it.
If this is the only way.
Star crossed lovers were never meant to be.
You must have your reasons,
Though they will plague me.
Even twenty years later.
A martyr though I try to change.
Sadness.
A huge chunk of my life gone.
Vanished.
Yet, I had no say in the matter.
Ramblings, Ravings.
It does not matter.
Life goes on no matter how I feel.
You know what they say about a bird you love.
So I guess I have no choice.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright 2016
Sunday, June 5, 2016
Season's End
Sorrow just wells from my heart
Pain so deep I don't even know where to start
Tears just roll from my eyes
20 years older, they say I should be wise
But me, I'm just a fool
A fool in love, tortured as a soul
So many people around me
But no one even knows me
A sole survivor, single and lonely
Pain and frustration, wallow in pity
The breeze of night its comforting
And my lover in distress also suffering
"Someday you might be feeling
That life has past you by,
Your spirits might be sinking
With hope in short supply."
Tears run down my face
Nothing has changed
Drugs, sex and alcohol
Have only damaged the brain
Tonight's my last night
Will you miss me when I'm gone?
I wish there was a happy ending
To this stupid, sad song.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright June 2016
Pain so deep I don't even know where to start
Tears just roll from my eyes
20 years older, they say I should be wise
But me, I'm just a fool
A fool in love, tortured as a soul
So many people around me
But no one even knows me
A sole survivor, single and lonely
Pain and frustration, wallow in pity
The breeze of night its comforting
And my lover in distress also suffering
"Someday you might be feeling
That life has past you by,
Your spirits might be sinking
With hope in short supply."
Tears run down my face
Nothing has changed
Drugs, sex and alcohol
Have only damaged the brain
Tonight's my last night
Will you miss me when I'm gone?
I wish there was a happy ending
To this stupid, sad song.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright June 2016
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Lonesome Tiger
We are not alone
Loneliness is what we feel
When loved ones are gone
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright May 2016
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Lost in Reality
I still think about you every day,
Lost in a haze, finding my way.
Thoughts flurry and race in my mind
As time strolls on, I continue my grind
Remembering the playground across from my house,
Where we would meet and just hang out.
Its all meaningless without my other half,
Now I fall victim to the aftermath,
Why the fuck did life not delivery me
The simple and wholesome family,
Together, connected and laughter to go around
Instead struggling to respect society's bounds
Why could I not fall in love with the one to raise to my kids?
As it stirs within me 'cause I have no control over this.
So torment fills me as I hit the sheets and covers
And your name brushes across my lips as I lay next to my lover.
Lost in a haze, finding my way.
Thoughts flurry and race in my mind
As time strolls on, I continue my grind
Remembering the playground across from my house,
Where we would meet and just hang out.
Its all meaningless without my other half,
Now I fall victim to the aftermath,
Why the fuck did life not delivery me
The simple and wholesome family,
Together, connected and laughter to go around
Instead struggling to respect society's bounds
Why could I not fall in love with the one to raise to my kids?
As it stirs within me 'cause I have no control over this.
So torment fills me as I hit the sheets and covers
And your name brushes across my lips as I lay next to my lover.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Using People
Sex,
The usage of someone elses body,
For ones own pleasures.
The self gratifying eros love,
That overwhelms the body,
But depletes the soul.
Is there ever a time when it is not taking?
Is there anything one can give to balance the weight of such a beautiful gift?
Life, commitment, one's own self.
Something man tries to capture within the words of marriage vows,
Something that commits even when sickness strikes and poverty destroys,
And cheating and beating implode,
Or the desert and dryness and feelings of being a ghost or being disconnected intercede.
Only commitment which supercedes these is the worthy counterbalance to the physical act of intimacy.
Sex
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright 2016
The usage of someone elses body,
For ones own pleasures.
The self gratifying eros love,
That overwhelms the body,
But depletes the soul.
Is there ever a time when it is not taking?
Is there anything one can give to balance the weight of such a beautiful gift?
Life, commitment, one's own self.
Something man tries to capture within the words of marriage vows,
Something that commits even when sickness strikes and poverty destroys,
And cheating and beating implode,
Or the desert and dryness and feelings of being a ghost or being disconnected intercede.
Only commitment which supercedes these is the worthy counterbalance to the physical act of intimacy.
Sex
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright 2016
Saturday, April 16, 2016
What do you do?
What do you do when you just have to keep going?
When everything you believed was a lie?
When everything you worked so hard for has vanished before your eyes?
When the thing you wanted most is within reach but you do not want it anymore?
When the world keeps pushing and keeps moving but you are trapped?
And suicide becmes peaceful resolution and alternative to the churning anxiety of existence?
When idols have faded and man's condundrum has become so clear its confusing?
When people depend on you to carry the cross of a piece of the world you have carved out for yourself?
When answers are nowhere to be found yet revelations flood you to the point you cannot exist as you once were?
When light is followed by utter darkness and tears flow from no where at the recognition of kindness or even the remote possibility that man can overcome his own obstacles?
When you are alone and afraid and empty and overwhelmed and frustrated and disappointment and sad at the loss of a friend?
And people around you are getting hit left and right and there is no enemy to fight but the hopelessness of sitting in the muck simply resonates?
What do you do? What do you do then?
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright April 2016
When everything you believed was a lie?
When everything you worked so hard for has vanished before your eyes?
When the thing you wanted most is within reach but you do not want it anymore?
When the world keeps pushing and keeps moving but you are trapped?
And suicide becmes peaceful resolution and alternative to the churning anxiety of existence?
When idols have faded and man's condundrum has become so clear its confusing?
When people depend on you to carry the cross of a piece of the world you have carved out for yourself?
When answers are nowhere to be found yet revelations flood you to the point you cannot exist as you once were?
When light is followed by utter darkness and tears flow from no where at the recognition of kindness or even the remote possibility that man can overcome his own obstacles?
When you are alone and afraid and empty and overwhelmed and frustrated and disappointment and sad at the loss of a friend?
And people around you are getting hit left and right and there is no enemy to fight but the hopelessness of sitting in the muck simply resonates?
What do you do? What do you do then?
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright April 2016
Monday, April 11, 2016
Jail Time
Arthur sat at the table with Ben. They had been friends for years and enjoyed spending their Sunday evenings together, sipping coffee and pontificating life.
Arthur uttered the words, "Commitment."
"What does it mean to you?", Ben asked.
"Well, I know that at the end of the day, there is no such thing as true commitment. I'm not fully committed to anyone and no one is fully committed to me. It all is based on conditions."
Ben replied, "Hmm. I'm a little offended by that. I'm committed to a lot of people."
Arthur asked, "Really? If someone turned on you and went out murdering others, would you really stay by their side? What would your commitment look like them? Conditions. There's always conditions."
Ben instinctively replied, "Well, Arthur, we are talking about you now aren't we? If you one day messed up and started killing people and went to jail, who do you think would visit you?"
Arthur hesitated. Ben has a way of somehow always seeing beyond his thoughts. The strange ability to pull out hidden meaning when there was none. Arthur decided to reveal his truth.
"No one", he said quietly.
"Where does that come from?" Ben asked
"I don't know", said Arthur.
Ben was quiet now. Softly, he asked, "Was there ever a time when no one visited you?"
"Yeah." Arthur replied. "When I first went into business, I rented a beautiful corner office space with a view looking over the marina. It was so gorgeous but I was saddened by the fact that no one in my family ever visited me there."
Arthur continued thinking. Thoughts racing through his mind, a micro processor performing a search algorithm. "Well, a few years back, I visited my old apartment. It was my first apartment after leaving home. Even though it was so long ago, I broke down in tears crying."
Ben quietly listened as Arthur continued processing.
"Yeah, I was crying when I realized my mother had never visited me there."
Ben said, "Hmm. Sounds like some painful memories. Its completely normal for people to cry when they remember something painful, even if it happened a long time ago. But it sounds like, when you say no one will visit you, you really mean that the people who mean the most to you won't visiting you."
Arthur affirmed, "Yeah. I mean what good is life if you can't take the people you love along the journey with you?"
Ben thought about a billion things to say. He could mention that the beauty of life was that the people you love are always on the journey with you. Or ask, "It's hard to accept change when you've built your life around someone you love, isn't it?" But somehow, he knew Arthur would have to figure this one out in his own time and in his own way.
"I know what you mean Arthur," Ben sighed. "I know what you mean."
Arthur uttered the words, "Commitment."
"What does it mean to you?", Ben asked.
"Well, I know that at the end of the day, there is no such thing as true commitment. I'm not fully committed to anyone and no one is fully committed to me. It all is based on conditions."
Ben replied, "Hmm. I'm a little offended by that. I'm committed to a lot of people."
Arthur asked, "Really? If someone turned on you and went out murdering others, would you really stay by their side? What would your commitment look like them? Conditions. There's always conditions."
Ben instinctively replied, "Well, Arthur, we are talking about you now aren't we? If you one day messed up and started killing people and went to jail, who do you think would visit you?"
Arthur hesitated. Ben has a way of somehow always seeing beyond his thoughts. The strange ability to pull out hidden meaning when there was none. Arthur decided to reveal his truth.
"No one", he said quietly.
"Where does that come from?" Ben asked
"I don't know", said Arthur.
Ben was quiet now. Softly, he asked, "Was there ever a time when no one visited you?"
"Yeah." Arthur replied. "When I first went into business, I rented a beautiful corner office space with a view looking over the marina. It was so gorgeous but I was saddened by the fact that no one in my family ever visited me there."
Arthur continued thinking. Thoughts racing through his mind, a micro processor performing a search algorithm. "Well, a few years back, I visited my old apartment. It was my first apartment after leaving home. Even though it was so long ago, I broke down in tears crying."
Ben quietly listened as Arthur continued processing.
"Yeah, I was crying when I realized my mother had never visited me there."
Ben said, "Hmm. Sounds like some painful memories. Its completely normal for people to cry when they remember something painful, even if it happened a long time ago. But it sounds like, when you say no one will visit you, you really mean that the people who mean the most to you won't visiting you."
Arthur affirmed, "Yeah. I mean what good is life if you can't take the people you love along the journey with you?"
Ben thought about a billion things to say. He could mention that the beauty of life was that the people you love are always on the journey with you. Or ask, "It's hard to accept change when you've built your life around someone you love, isn't it?" But somehow, he knew Arthur would have to figure this one out in his own time and in his own way.
"I know what you mean Arthur," Ben sighed. "I know what you mean."
Rewrite History
If I knew what I knew before, I would do it all differently
Cause the secrets of life wouldn't be such a mystery
If I could go back in time I could change history
...
No more brokenness and shame
No sin and guilt and pain
No Hell to burn in flames
...
Properly dealing with emotions, there'd be no need to numb the core
Caring for myself and others, convert a void into a store
Receiving developmental needs, feeling loved forever more
...
Kill rape, hatred and greed
Lying, cheating wounds bleed
The devil's destined rude creed
...
No split between my needs, and the needs of others
Integrated through love of both father and mother
A peaceful life to live, there'd be no need to suffer
...
Grace, compassion and empathy
Acknowledgement, support and sympathy
Together, united, a sweet symphony
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright April 2016
Cause the secrets of life wouldn't be such a mystery
If I could go back in time I could change history
...
No more brokenness and shame
No sin and guilt and pain
No Hell to burn in flames
...
Properly dealing with emotions, there'd be no need to numb the core
Caring for myself and others, convert a void into a store
Receiving developmental needs, feeling loved forever more
...
Kill rape, hatred and greed
Lying, cheating wounds bleed
The devil's destined rude creed
...
No split between my needs, and the needs of others
Integrated through love of both father and mother
A peaceful life to live, there'd be no need to suffer
...
Grace, compassion and empathy
Acknowledgement, support and sympathy
Together, united, a sweet symphony
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright April 2016
Friday, April 8, 2016
Youngster
Powerless against the will of our parents,
We go with the flow,
Accepting things as they come,
No need to fight the tide,
No need to give your thought or your inputs,
You don't matter,
What you think is not important,
Put me in school early,
Pull me out when you want,
Hold me back when you want,
I have no control,
Pretend you care what I say,
But just do what you want in the end,
Forever embed in me,
The feeling that I am somehow defective,
Because I am so used to being different,
And all the while,
Let me ignore the depravity,
Through an existence of self denial and imagination,
That somehow takes this broken world,
Not as it is,
But as I would have it,
Through mind bending, mind altering, craziness.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright April 2016
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Walking with Ghosts
I had a friend come to me the other day. He opened up about when he was a young boy and had a friend who he had a crush on. He always regretted never asking her out because he was afraid to risk. Risk losing her. Risk rejection. Risk his feelings not being returned.
It reminded me of my story. When I was a kid. So many memories. Being awkward with braces and glasses. Being called a nerd because I was smart. Yet, hitting so many hurdles because I had trouble with reading. I just didn't fit in. Anywhere. Period. Sometimes it felt like I had no friends. Other times I was bullied. Don't we all go through these things? Aren't there so many parallels to being that young boy afraid to take a chance?
So one day, I did. I decided to take some risk. I decided to ask the girl who sat next to me in class to go to the eighth grade dance with me. Not only did she say, "No." But she also told all of her friends and they all thought I had a crush on her. To this day, I still remember how they looked at me. I was humiliated. Completely and utterly humiliated.
On the other hand, I really wanted to celebrate the last dance together with my classmates. I thought to myself, "Maybe it's just her, I'll ask another girl." So I did. I asked the girl in my home room class. She was also a nice girl. I thought for sure, she might go. However, when I asked, she said that she wasn't even going to go because her mom wouldn't let her.
Rejected! Twice! I felt so defective that I actually thought she decided not to go just to avoid me. I thought she was just using her mother as a polite way to let me down.
Sure. An adult might know that these girls were probably as freaked out about dating as I was. An adult might realize that the social norm is not to blindly ask a girl out. Or blindly dump your hidden desires into her lap. No, you must introduce yourself first. You must look for clues that she might actually be into you too. A smile, a compliment, a warm soft giggle. Then, you ask her to coffee or go for a short walk. You don't just randomly ask a stranger if she will spend four hours with you, most of which she will be slow dancing in your arms.
All true. But I was just a kid and I didn't know all that. All I knew was that I was humiliated. I felt like the dorky reject that no girl would want to ever go to the dance with. I was so hurt, that I vowed to never feel that powerless again.
That's when it started. I learned how to flirt and feed off of the attention of girls. I wrote notes in class and collected love letters. It was as if somehow, if I collected enough hearts in my jar that I could somehow mend my own broken heart.
I ended up going to that eighth grade dance. The very next year, I was asked by one of my sister's friends. To this day, I still remember the day we met, sitting on my front lawn. She was an amazing girl and she changed my world. So many good memories. But I was still so wounded, that when we did go to the dance together, I somehow needed to make up for being that loser the year before. I needed to take advantage of the popularity of being a high schooler, admired by junior classmen. So when another girl showed her interest, I left my date and danced with her.
It was not only rude, but it was actually really sad. I no longer could trust one woman. I couldn't put all of my eggs into one basket. Because I knew where that might lead. Rejection and loneliness.
So I continued on this path of flirtation. I ended up going to five different high school proms. As if there was score keeping involved. While my hurt and bruised ego was fed, I never was able to fill the void left by a damaged heart. I never could go back to the time when I was in eighth grade and repair my wound.
Have you ever heard the saying, "A symptom is just an external manifestation of a deeper root cause?" In the end, it wasn't the affection of girls I was chasing. It was really the love of my mother.
Every child needs to feel unconditionally loved for proper development. But that is the thing with unmet childhood needs. If one does not receive what they are supposed to receive at the proper place and time, they can never go back and change things. No matter what I did, nothing could ever fill the void of not feeling unconditionally loved by my own mother.
However, there are things I could do. I could identify the loss. I could greive the loss. I could choose to accept the loss. Then, I could choose, at appropriate times to be vulnerable, even when that would mean being powerless to how another person might responded.
I could look back and be thankful for what took place. That is, I can look at the positive impact these things have had in my life. Rick Warren states, "The greatest contribution you will make in life will stem from your greatest source of pain."
It is only because of this major loss in my life, that I tell my kids I love them all the time. I make sure each one knows that I love them. Even when they disrespect me, hate me and are imperfect, I love them through it. They are allowed to feel negative feelings toward me, without affecting how I feel about them. We all focus on being the change we wish to see in the world.
It is only because of this major loss in my life, that I have been able to comfort and sympathize with so many who have experienced a similar lack of love in their childhood.
We were never supposed to get everything from our parents anyway. They are imperfect and we live in a broken world. They were always supposed to reflect a greater love, like the moon reflecting the light of the sun.
To wrap up this part of my story, I leave you with this Christian quote...
"Praise be to the God and Father or our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
It reminded me of my story. When I was a kid. So many memories. Being awkward with braces and glasses. Being called a nerd because I was smart. Yet, hitting so many hurdles because I had trouble with reading. I just didn't fit in. Anywhere. Period. Sometimes it felt like I had no friends. Other times I was bullied. Don't we all go through these things? Aren't there so many parallels to being that young boy afraid to take a chance?
So one day, I did. I decided to take some risk. I decided to ask the girl who sat next to me in class to go to the eighth grade dance with me. Not only did she say, "No." But she also told all of her friends and they all thought I had a crush on her. To this day, I still remember how they looked at me. I was humiliated. Completely and utterly humiliated.
On the other hand, I really wanted to celebrate the last dance together with my classmates. I thought to myself, "Maybe it's just her, I'll ask another girl." So I did. I asked the girl in my home room class. She was also a nice girl. I thought for sure, she might go. However, when I asked, she said that she wasn't even going to go because her mom wouldn't let her.
Rejected! Twice! I felt so defective that I actually thought she decided not to go just to avoid me. I thought she was just using her mother as a polite way to let me down.
Sure. An adult might know that these girls were probably as freaked out about dating as I was. An adult might realize that the social norm is not to blindly ask a girl out. Or blindly dump your hidden desires into her lap. No, you must introduce yourself first. You must look for clues that she might actually be into you too. A smile, a compliment, a warm soft giggle. Then, you ask her to coffee or go for a short walk. You don't just randomly ask a stranger if she will spend four hours with you, most of which she will be slow dancing in your arms.
All true. But I was just a kid and I didn't know all that. All I knew was that I was humiliated. I felt like the dorky reject that no girl would want to ever go to the dance with. I was so hurt, that I vowed to never feel that powerless again.
That's when it started. I learned how to flirt and feed off of the attention of girls. I wrote notes in class and collected love letters. It was as if somehow, if I collected enough hearts in my jar that I could somehow mend my own broken heart.
I ended up going to that eighth grade dance. The very next year, I was asked by one of my sister's friends. To this day, I still remember the day we met, sitting on my front lawn. She was an amazing girl and she changed my world. So many good memories. But I was still so wounded, that when we did go to the dance together, I somehow needed to make up for being that loser the year before. I needed to take advantage of the popularity of being a high schooler, admired by junior classmen. So when another girl showed her interest, I left my date and danced with her.
It was not only rude, but it was actually really sad. I no longer could trust one woman. I couldn't put all of my eggs into one basket. Because I knew where that might lead. Rejection and loneliness.
So I continued on this path of flirtation. I ended up going to five different high school proms. As if there was score keeping involved. While my hurt and bruised ego was fed, I never was able to fill the void left by a damaged heart. I never could go back to the time when I was in eighth grade and repair my wound.
Have you ever heard the saying, "A symptom is just an external manifestation of a deeper root cause?" In the end, it wasn't the affection of girls I was chasing. It was really the love of my mother.
Every child needs to feel unconditionally loved for proper development. But that is the thing with unmet childhood needs. If one does not receive what they are supposed to receive at the proper place and time, they can never go back and change things. No matter what I did, nothing could ever fill the void of not feeling unconditionally loved by my own mother.
However, there are things I could do. I could identify the loss. I could greive the loss. I could choose to accept the loss. Then, I could choose, at appropriate times to be vulnerable, even when that would mean being powerless to how another person might responded.
I could look back and be thankful for what took place. That is, I can look at the positive impact these things have had in my life. Rick Warren states, "The greatest contribution you will make in life will stem from your greatest source of pain."
It is only because of this major loss in my life, that I tell my kids I love them all the time. I make sure each one knows that I love them. Even when they disrespect me, hate me and are imperfect, I love them through it. They are allowed to feel negative feelings toward me, without affecting how I feel about them. We all focus on being the change we wish to see in the world.
It is only because of this major loss in my life, that I have been able to comfort and sympathize with so many who have experienced a similar lack of love in their childhood.
We were never supposed to get everything from our parents anyway. They are imperfect and we live in a broken world. They were always supposed to reflect a greater love, like the moon reflecting the light of the sun.
To wrap up this part of my story, I leave you with this Christian quote...
"Praise be to the God and Father or our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
Friday, April 1, 2016
Boy Meets Girl
He loves her. She loves him. There was a boy, there was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? Problem was she and her aint the same gal.
"I love you. Isn't that enough?", she asked.
"No, that's not enough. Life and responsibility. Balancing what I need and want with what the world needs and wants. They don't always agree," he replies.
A few weeks pass and the magnetic pull of chemistry is too much to handle. Out of desperation, his heart wrenching, he pleads, "I love you. Isn't that enough?"
But the woman, the incubator that she is. Takes ingredients and makes a meal. Takes a house and makes it a home. Takes a seed and makes a baby. Takes an idea and makes it a reality.
She replies, "No. It's not enough. I have my obligations. I can't go chasing you. I can't waste my energy. I'm too old for these games."
So what does one do when the head and heart collide? Does one walk the road to envy and jealousy and betrayal? Or does one walk the life of boredom, tired and exhausted by the weight of life?
Watching Phantom of the Opera, she sees him on the screen? Watching Superman versus Batman, he sees her? Every movement, every little thing triggers a memory of distant past.
An age old story, yet told again and again as they continue through life.
He was a boy, she was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious?
"I love you. Isn't that enough?", she asked.
"No, that's not enough. Life and responsibility. Balancing what I need and want with what the world needs and wants. They don't always agree," he replies.
A few weeks pass and the magnetic pull of chemistry is too much to handle. Out of desperation, his heart wrenching, he pleads, "I love you. Isn't that enough?"
But the woman, the incubator that she is. Takes ingredients and makes a meal. Takes a house and makes it a home. Takes a seed and makes a baby. Takes an idea and makes it a reality.
She replies, "No. It's not enough. I have my obligations. I can't go chasing you. I can't waste my energy. I'm too old for these games."
So what does one do when the head and heart collide? Does one walk the road to envy and jealousy and betrayal? Or does one walk the life of boredom, tired and exhausted by the weight of life?
Watching Phantom of the Opera, she sees him on the screen? Watching Superman versus Batman, he sees her? Every movement, every little thing triggers a memory of distant past.
An age old story, yet told again and again as they continue through life.
He was a boy, she was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious?
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Deep Waters
Listen to audio version of "Deep Waters"
So much water under the bridge
And it boils and unfoils
Through the depths
Of my intertwined past
And secrets and shame
Emote the pain
As I wake up
From a dream
Where it seems
Everyone has left
Me alone and afraid
While I make a way
With no phone
Yet I roam
Like a madman
Filled with love
Intoxicated with hate
That relates
To the layers upon layers
Of bitterness
That intersects time and space
In my mind
And leaves me blind
So I cringe
For all this
Is just water under the bridge
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
February 18th, 2016
So much water under the bridge
And it boils and unfoils
Through the depths
Of my intertwined past
And secrets and shame
Emote the pain
As I wake up
From a dream
Where it seems
Everyone has left
Me alone and afraid
While I make a way
With no phone
Yet I roam
Like a madman
Filled with love
Intoxicated with hate
That relates
To the layers upon layers
Of bitterness
That intersects time and space
In my mind
And leaves me blind
So I cringe
For all this
Is just water under the bridge
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
February 18th, 2016
Sunday, February 14, 2016
My Tender Sweetheart
Energy galore,
Emerging from the souls,
Of forty little kids.
A little girl comes up,
My turn! My turn!
The others object,
She must be blindfolded!
That's not fair!
Don't worry,
I reply.
We spin her around,
Her vision still intact,
With a suspense looming,
She takes the pin
And donkey's tail.
Slowly she moves forward.
The kids nervous to lose their spot.
She lifts her hands to place the pin.
Kids yelling,
To the left!
Up!
Down a little!
And she finally places the tail
She lifts up her hands in victory
I win! I win!
But the kids are now happy and laughing
Joining in the innocence of a child.
Happy, tender, lovely
For the pinned tail lies on the donkey's forehead!
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© February 2014
Happy Valentines!
Emerging from the souls,
Of forty little kids.
A little girl comes up,
My turn! My turn!
The others object,
She must be blindfolded!
That's not fair!
Don't worry,
I reply.
We spin her around,
Her vision still intact,
With a suspense looming,
She takes the pin
And donkey's tail.
Slowly she moves forward.
The kids nervous to lose their spot.
She lifts her hands to place the pin.
Kids yelling,
To the left!
Up!
Down a little!
And she finally places the tail
She lifts up her hands in victory
I win! I win!
But the kids are now happy and laughing
Joining in the innocence of a child.
Happy, tender, lovely
For the pinned tail lies on the donkey's forehead!
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© February 2014
Happy Valentines!
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Reflections
How empty is my heart,
It was once so full of love,
My life was filled with joy and dancing and people.
I used to be on top of the world,
Everything I touched simply turned to gold,
I was invincible and could do no wrong.
Yet, now I am a slave to the passions,
I once held in such high esteem,
Led slowly to death,
Like a frog boiled,
By simply increasing some heat over time,
I did not see it coming,
I had no clue.
Bitter, resentment, disappointment fill my mind,
As I weep tears on my pillow,
Night after night,
That leak from my frustrated soul.
All past lovers have abandoned me,
I am left alone with rocks and stones,
My friends are no where to be found,
My family has long been gone.
Those who I would have thought would be there for me,
Yes, they are the very ones who stab my wounds deeper,
They have become ones to avoid,
For the pain is too great to bear.
Faced with this burden,
I continue working,
For this great price I was destined to pay,
I walk through it,
Isolated, alone and afraid,
For all signs of hope,
End up overtaking me,
Anyone who wants to,
Can defeat my aching soul,
And take what they want from me,
I am defenseless,
I am powerless.
Those days once filled with celebration,
Fly by like the sands of time,
My presents are simply boxes and boxes
Filled with anguish and sorrow.
My voice has become quenched,
For no one understands,
My contributions have become vain,
For nothing I do is of value.
My soul is like a tender joint,
That knows no recovery,
My heart is stuck in an endless cycle,
A cycle of despair.
What I used to stand for,
And fight for in valiant ways,
Even the opposite now flows from within me,
As I struggle to keep my head above water.
These devils,
These demons,
Simply have no resistance
And can party all night long.
Guilt and shame,
Plague me,
As I ask myself,
"Was it something that I did?"
"Did I bring this on myself?"
Even my children hide from me,
Captive by their own struggles,
And I cannot help.
All I can do is watch on in horror,
As life begins to break them,
Shackling them with the chains
I so desperately tried to keep them from.
All greatness that ever once was,
Everything good within me,
Has vanished.
My talents and deeds find no outlet,
I am shattered into a million pieces of me,
I might be able to put together,
If I could only find where I am.
As I wander through the fog,
I remember good memories
And sweet victories of days past,
But now I find no team mates,
To battle life with,
Just those who stand on pedestals,
And smugly smile at my demise.
My mistakes are like a buffet table,
Endless and in clear view,
In transparency, my respect and honor,
Have been traded for disgust and pity,
What can I do but hide away?
As I reflect upon my life,
I recall when mud began clinging to my name,
And all I had worked for was destroyed,
No one was by my side.
My riches and property and belongings
Were dispersed among strangers.
I was left starving and hungry,
Each day,
I would cherish a simple coffee and fruit and slice of bread,
As it might be my only meal.
Fending for a place to live,
A small corner or crevice to lay my head.
And all I could think was,
"What did I do to deserve this?"
"Does the world hate me?"
Onlookers may have wondered,
Who was this man in this strange place,
As I wandered to and fro.
My bones were tired,
My feet were sore,
And it was as if,
Everything I ever did wrong in my life,
Was strung together,
And placed as weights on my shoulder,
When I could barely even carry myself.
Some wondered why the tears,
Some advised to simply move on,
Some resented my victim mentality.
But all I could do was pray for comfort,
Pray for restoration and healing,
And continue to fight for those depending on me,
And those who might one day be in the same place.
I exhausted all my resources,
Social capital devoured,
And found betrayal in my suffering,
Even my soul could barely find a morsel
To sustain itself.
Attacked by external circumstances,
I naturally turned to my inner strength,
Only to find my heart and mind,
Were just as disturbed,
For I had betrayed myself,
With the ways I had failed,
Even on the inside there was
Both sabotage and rebellion.
Outside,
Life was hitting hard,
Inside,
A civil war was wreaking havoc.
As I return to the present,
And reflect upon my reality,
I can say my aches and pains are many,
My heart, mind and soul are faint,
But gratitude fills my heart,
So much gratitude I can't explain,
Not even words can express,
For what is a building without a foundation?
What is the world if not a reflection of within?
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright February 2016
It was once so full of love,
My life was filled with joy and dancing and people.
I used to be on top of the world,
Everything I touched simply turned to gold,
I was invincible and could do no wrong.
Yet, now I am a slave to the passions,
I once held in such high esteem,
Led slowly to death,
Like a frog boiled,
By simply increasing some heat over time,
I did not see it coming,
I had no clue.
Bitter, resentment, disappointment fill my mind,
As I weep tears on my pillow,
Night after night,
That leak from my frustrated soul.
All past lovers have abandoned me,
I am left alone with rocks and stones,
My friends are no where to be found,
My family has long been gone.
Those who I would have thought would be there for me,
Yes, they are the very ones who stab my wounds deeper,
They have become ones to avoid,
For the pain is too great to bear.
Faced with this burden,
I continue working,
For this great price I was destined to pay,
I walk through it,
Isolated, alone and afraid,
For all signs of hope,
End up overtaking me,
Anyone who wants to,
Can defeat my aching soul,
And take what they want from me,
I am defenseless,
I am powerless.
Those days once filled with celebration,
Fly by like the sands of time,
My presents are simply boxes and boxes
Filled with anguish and sorrow.
My voice has become quenched,
For no one understands,
My contributions have become vain,
For nothing I do is of value.
My soul is like a tender joint,
That knows no recovery,
My heart is stuck in an endless cycle,
A cycle of despair.
What I used to stand for,
And fight for in valiant ways,
Even the opposite now flows from within me,
As I struggle to keep my head above water.
These devils,
These demons,
Simply have no resistance
And can party all night long.
Guilt and shame,
Plague me,
As I ask myself,
"Was it something that I did?"
"Did I bring this on myself?"
Even my children hide from me,
Captive by their own struggles,
And I cannot help.
All I can do is watch on in horror,
As life begins to break them,
Shackling them with the chains
I so desperately tried to keep them from.
All greatness that ever once was,
Everything good within me,
Has vanished.
My talents and deeds find no outlet,
I am shattered into a million pieces of me,
I might be able to put together,
If I could only find where I am.
As I wander through the fog,
I remember good memories
And sweet victories of days past,
But now I find no team mates,
To battle life with,
Just those who stand on pedestals,
And smugly smile at my demise.
My mistakes are like a buffet table,
Endless and in clear view,
In transparency, my respect and honor,
Have been traded for disgust and pity,
What can I do but hide away?
As I reflect upon my life,
I recall when mud began clinging to my name,
And all I had worked for was destroyed,
No one was by my side.
My riches and property and belongings
Were dispersed among strangers.
I was left starving and hungry,
Each day,
I would cherish a simple coffee and fruit and slice of bread,
As it might be my only meal.
Fending for a place to live,
A small corner or crevice to lay my head.
And all I could think was,
"What did I do to deserve this?"
"Does the world hate me?"
Onlookers may have wondered,
Who was this man in this strange place,
As I wandered to and fro.
My bones were tired,
My feet were sore,
And it was as if,
Everything I ever did wrong in my life,
Was strung together,
And placed as weights on my shoulder,
When I could barely even carry myself.
Some wondered why the tears,
Some advised to simply move on,
Some resented my victim mentality.
But all I could do was pray for comfort,
Pray for restoration and healing,
And continue to fight for those depending on me,
And those who might one day be in the same place.
I exhausted all my resources,
Social capital devoured,
And found betrayal in my suffering,
Even my soul could barely find a morsel
To sustain itself.
Attacked by external circumstances,
I naturally turned to my inner strength,
Only to find my heart and mind,
Were just as disturbed,
For I had betrayed myself,
With the ways I had failed,
Even on the inside there was
Both sabotage and rebellion.
Outside,
Life was hitting hard,
Inside,
A civil war was wreaking havoc.
As I return to the present,
And reflect upon my reality,
I can say my aches and pains are many,
My heart, mind and soul are faint,
But gratitude fills my heart,
So much gratitude I can't explain,
Not even words can express,
For what is a building without a foundation?
What is the world if not a reflection of within?
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright February 2016
Monday, February 8, 2016
Stalker
I still go the the park,
Where we used to roam,
Swing on the swing,
Where we used to hang,
Stare up at the stars
In the moonlight,
Our only battle
Defending against midnight
... Alas, morning would come and morning would go...
I walk by your house,
But do not knock on the door,
I hike your trails,
But only miss you more,
Branches and frogs,
Nature's very own,
Time is distant,
Like a frozen zone.
... Alas, I must be crazy, insanely searching for something that doesn't exist...
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© February 2016
Where we used to roam,
Swing on the swing,
Where we used to hang,
Stare up at the stars
In the moonlight,
Our only battle
Defending against midnight
... Alas, morning would come and morning would go...
I walk by your house,
But do not knock on the door,
I hike your trails,
But only miss you more,
Branches and frogs,
Nature's very own,
Time is distant,
Like a frozen zone.
... Alas, I must be crazy, insanely searching for something that doesn't exist...
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© February 2016
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Diamonds and Rubies
She is precious and rare,
No other woman on the planet like her,
She gets up early to feed her family,
Up before anyone,
Yet last to fall asleep,
Making sure all the chicklets are taken care of,
Their bellies are full and their bodies are warm,
Her heart is for others,
Spending her waking hours rehabilitating the sick,
And lending a listening ear,
Focusing not only on the body,
But also on the heart and soul.
Her friends are so self focused,
But she rushes to them in their time of need,
Walking with them,
When all others have long since abandoned ship,
She is loyal to the bone.
So loyal,
In her weakest hour she will turn to God,
Rather than a whimsical romantic affair.
No one really knows the truth of her burdens,
Or the extent of her depravity.
Because she walks with class,
And carries herself with grace.
Yes, she is really one to be celebrated,
Yet she walks in the shadows,
Somewhat unknown.
A rarity indeed.
And one we need more of.
...
<SI> Scott Izu
© February 2016
No other woman on the planet like her,
She gets up early to feed her family,
Up before anyone,
Yet last to fall asleep,
Making sure all the chicklets are taken care of,
Their bellies are full and their bodies are warm,
Her heart is for others,
Spending her waking hours rehabilitating the sick,
And lending a listening ear,
Focusing not only on the body,
But also on the heart and soul.
Her friends are so self focused,
But she rushes to them in their time of need,
Walking with them,
When all others have long since abandoned ship,
She is loyal to the bone.
So loyal,
In her weakest hour she will turn to God,
Rather than a whimsical romantic affair.
No one really knows the truth of her burdens,
Or the extent of her depravity.
Because she walks with class,
And carries herself with grace.
Yes, she is really one to be celebrated,
Yet she walks in the shadows,
Somewhat unknown.
A rarity indeed.
And one we need more of.
...
<SI> Scott Izu
© February 2016
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Lost in a Fog
Its been so long since I touched a woman,
I can barely imagine
The touch of your skin
The warmth of your love
I just want to run to you
And pick you up in my arms
Have a sleep over
And lay on your bosom
I hear your voice
In the wind
And the chill
In the night
A stream with no running water
Dark blue is the sky
Forever I love you
Though I do not know why
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© February 2016
I can barely imagine
The touch of your skin
The warmth of your love
I just want to run to you
And pick you up in my arms
Have a sleep over
And lay on your bosom
I hear your voice
In the wind
And the chill
In the night
A stream with no running water
Dark blue is the sky
Forever I love you
Though I do not know why
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© February 2016
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Dream Shifter
I am calm,
At rest,
Sitting on a park bench,
Enjoying my peacefulness,
When suddenly I feel the Earth has shifted,
I sense her,
Beyond the crowd,
And sure enough,
I see her walking in from the parking lot,
Her dark form fitting clothes,
Her quick gate.
She glides across the concrete.
My insides scream with excitement
As I take in her splendor and beauty,
She is an orchid among roses and daisies,
But does she even know?
Perhaps this is simply a muse in my mind.
A day dream.
Because I'm not even sure she really exists.
For how else can you explain,
Someone you could have only come up with,
In your imagination,
And then breathed them into reality.
...
<SI> Scott Izu
© January 2016
At rest,
Sitting on a park bench,
Enjoying my peacefulness,
When suddenly I feel the Earth has shifted,
I sense her,
Beyond the crowd,
And sure enough,
I see her walking in from the parking lot,
Her dark form fitting clothes,
Her quick gate.
She glides across the concrete.
My insides scream with excitement
As I take in her splendor and beauty,
She is an orchid among roses and daisies,
But does she even know?
Perhaps this is simply a muse in my mind.
A day dream.
Because I'm not even sure she really exists.
For how else can you explain,
Someone you could have only come up with,
In your imagination,
And then breathed them into reality.
...
<SI> Scott Izu
© January 2016
Sunday, January 24, 2016
I Dream a Dream
I dream of a world with no drugs,
No need for woes of life,
To be numbed by alcohol and partying.
I dream of a world
Where a child never says I love you,
To a parent
Only to never hear the words reflected.
I dream of a world
Where violence and physical abuse
Do not exist.
How I wish I could save,
Each innocent and little child,
Protect them from the damage,
They experience.
How I dream but only a dream,
I simply cannot let go of.
<SI> Scott Izu
© January 2015
No need for woes of life,
To be numbed by alcohol and partying.
I dream of a world
Where a child never says I love you,
To a parent
Only to never hear the words reflected.
I dream of a world
Where violence and physical abuse
Do not exist.
How I wish I could save,
Each innocent and little child,
Protect them from the damage,
They experience.
How I dream but only a dream,
I simply cannot let go of.
<SI> Scott Izu
© January 2015
Faith and Prayer
True faith is believing good things will happen but requires you do the things that are within your control.
But there are many things beyond your control...
For these things faith becomes a simple act of prayer.
It is the moment you see all other people's sickness with clarity that you wish to be alone.
For this moment, you simply have prayer.
It is the moment you see your own sickness with clarity that you realize you need others.
For this also, you simply have prayer.
...
<SI> Scott Izu
© January 2016
But there are many things beyond your control...
For these things faith becomes a simple act of prayer.
It is the moment you see all other people's sickness with clarity that you wish to be alone.
For this moment, you simply have prayer.
It is the moment you see your own sickness with clarity that you realize you need others.
For this also, you simply have prayer.
...
<SI> Scott Izu
© January 2016
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Quality Time
Sitting on the grass,
In front of our house,
Talking for hours on end,
Your low cut shirt,
And your youthful feminine beauty on display.
Running around with friends,
In the middle of night,
Lying down in the middle of a field,
Gazing at the beautiful night sky.
Walking around the neighborhood,
Stopping to give you a small kiss,
Returning home,
Or having to part from you.
Driving down the road,
Wind in our hair,
Music blasting,
Or playing some sweet symphony.
Adventures in snowboarding,
Coupled with private rides,
Making out while resting,
Ending the day with a warm snuggly fire.
Playing games,
Laughing and enjoying each other's company,
Lying on the couch,
One under the other,
Holding hands.
Compulsiveness,
And lust taking control,
Laying you down on the cold hard concrete,
In a public place,
Anticipating getting caught,
As we bang out our body's passions.
Slow dancing,
Melting in your arms,
As we hold each other closely,
Romantic feelings,
Caressed by love songs after dark.
Finding a place to park,
Far away from the crowds,
Where we discover each other,
Windows fogged.
Lying in bed,
Stripping off your tight jeans,
Interrupted by life,
And having to run.
Making tender love under the stars,
The calm air,
Soothing tempered skin,
Peacefully embracing.
Watching movies side by side,
Action, drama or comedy,
Emoting in tune with you,
Sharing an experience.
Skinny dipping,
Where people might see,
Intimate touches,
And awkward naked moments.
Doing nothing,
Absolutely nothing,
Just leaning on a wall,
Wishing to hold you forever.
Staying at home,
Enjoying a relaxing afternoon,
Cooking a humble meal,
Breaking bread.
These are the moments,
These little moments,
That make all the difference.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright January 2016
In front of our house,
Talking for hours on end,
Your low cut shirt,
And your youthful feminine beauty on display.
Running around with friends,
In the middle of night,
Lying down in the middle of a field,
Gazing at the beautiful night sky.
Walking around the neighborhood,
Stopping to give you a small kiss,
Returning home,
Or having to part from you.
Driving down the road,
Wind in our hair,
Music blasting,
Or playing some sweet symphony.
Adventures in snowboarding,
Coupled with private rides,
Making out while resting,
Ending the day with a warm snuggly fire.
Playing games,
Laughing and enjoying each other's company,
Lying on the couch,
One under the other,
Holding hands.
Compulsiveness,
And lust taking control,
Laying you down on the cold hard concrete,
In a public place,
Anticipating getting caught,
As we bang out our body's passions.
Slow dancing,
Melting in your arms,
As we hold each other closely,
Romantic feelings,
Caressed by love songs after dark.
Finding a place to park,
Far away from the crowds,
Where we discover each other,
Windows fogged.
Lying in bed,
Stripping off your tight jeans,
Interrupted by life,
And having to run.
Making tender love under the stars,
The calm air,
Soothing tempered skin,
Peacefully embracing.
Watching movies side by side,
Action, drama or comedy,
Emoting in tune with you,
Sharing an experience.
Skinny dipping,
Where people might see,
Intimate touches,
And awkward naked moments.
Doing nothing,
Absolutely nothing,
Just leaning on a wall,
Wishing to hold you forever.
Staying at home,
Enjoying a relaxing afternoon,
Cooking a humble meal,
Breaking bread.
These are the moments,
These little moments,
That make all the difference.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright January 2016
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Eternal Focus
God gives me each day
Deliver me from evil
Mercy, love and grace
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright January 2016
Deliver me from evil
Mercy, love and grace
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright January 2016
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Reflections
The Earth and all its beauty,
The endless landscapes,
The breath taking sunsets,
The serenity of waves crashing against the shore,
The starry sky which twinkles among the shooting stars,
Reflects such magnificent creation.
Like the oils and paint,
Sprayed across the canvas.
Reflect the artist.
...
A child,
Their joy and innocence and purity,
Their wonderful laughter,
Their hilarious eccentricity
Is simply a reflection.
...
Oh, the Godess and her body.
The thin slender frame,
With sweet breasts to caress,
That one could just suckle for days,
Reflections of nurture, love and grace
...
The Creator or the created.
Which shall we love?
...
Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2016
Revisted from Glory
The endless landscapes,
The breath taking sunsets,
The serenity of waves crashing against the shore,
The starry sky which twinkles among the shooting stars,
Reflects such magnificent creation.
Like the oils and paint,
Sprayed across the canvas.
Reflect the artist.
...
A child,
Their joy and innocence and purity,
Their wonderful laughter,
Their hilarious eccentricity
Is simply a reflection.
...
Oh, the Godess and her body.
The thin slender frame,
With sweet breasts to caress,
That one could just suckle for days,
Reflections of nurture, love and grace
...
The Creator or the created.
Which shall we love?
...
© January 2016
Revisted from Glory
The Battle Field
Addicted to money,
We pursue business,
Gaining comfort.
...
Why not turn to the Jesus, the Word,
In this physical realm,
To be filled with Hope?
...
Addicted to power and glory,
We pursue athletics and academics,
Gaining control.
...
Why not turn to the Holy Spirit,
In this spiritual realm,
To be filled with faith?
...
Addicted to sex,
We pursue women,
And gain significance.
...
Why not turn to God,
In this emotional realm,
And be filled with love?
...
The pieces of the puzzle may be moved around and shifted.
Yes, that distortion is the playground of the devil.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2016
A revisit from Man's Quest
We pursue business,
Gaining comfort.
...
Why not turn to the Jesus, the Word,
In this physical realm,
To be filled with Hope?
...
Addicted to power and glory,
We pursue athletics and academics,
Gaining control.
...
Why not turn to the Holy Spirit,
In this spiritual realm,
To be filled with faith?
...
Addicted to sex,
We pursue women,
And gain significance.
...
Why not turn to God,
In this emotional realm,
And be filled with love?
...
The pieces of the puzzle may be moved around and shifted.
Yes, that distortion is the playground of the devil.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2016
A revisit from Man's Quest
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Perspective
It must be difficult
If you are
Single
Or without children
...
But oh, I feel your pain
If you are
Married
Or have children
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2016
If you are
Single
Or without children
...
But oh, I feel your pain
If you are
Married
Or have children
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2016
Walking Through the Storm
Ive got demons all around me,
They go from place to place,
Their power is unbounding,
Dont let them in this place.
...
Miracles are lacking,
Death knocks on this front porch,
Grace saves from none attacking
Dont let me burn by torch
...
Fights, fits and fussing,
Never is a bore,
Exhausting is discussing
Dont let there be no more
...
Day by day,
You may wonder what keeps me going,
Focus through the fray
The service seeds Im sowing
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2016
They go from place to place,
Their power is unbounding,
Dont let them in this place.
...
Miracles are lacking,
Death knocks on this front porch,
Grace saves from none attacking
Dont let me burn by torch
...
Fights, fits and fussing,
Never is a bore,
Exhausting is discussing
Dont let there be no more
...
Day by day,
You may wonder what keeps me going,
Focus through the fray
The service seeds Im sowing
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2016
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
New Clothes
Dont touch those clothes!
Dont try to change my wardrobe!
Dont you dare try to fix whats in my closet.
Unless you are willing to give me your everything
Unless you will be there no matter what
Unless you are willing to help clean out my mental closet
In a sea full of women,
There remains only one
And it will hurt like Hell
But I will let you in
But dont you dare start
What you are not willing to finish.
...
Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright January 2016
Not Afraid
The kingdom of heaven comes to Earth
When we choose to battle through Hell
The biggest demons we face
Stare right back through the mirror
The only way is through
If we ever wish to find our light
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright January 2016
Monday, January 4, 2016
Summer Flings
When we met, we were oceans apart,
We knew it was trouble from the start
A twinkle of fate just grabbed my heart
Cupids arrow, that fiery dart
Bittersweet endings, sweet sour and tart
Bricks of tears hauled away by the cart
Falling in love is not very smart
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2016
We knew it was trouble from the start
A twinkle of fate just grabbed my heart
Cupids arrow, that fiery dart
Bittersweet endings, sweet sour and tart
Bricks of tears hauled away by the cart
Falling in love is not very smart
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2016
Sunday, January 3, 2016
The Dragon Slayer
She yells at me,
Doesn't he love his own kids,
Why would he not see them?
...
I calmly reply,
It is not his kids he left,
It is you.
...
And she freezes,
Shocked that I would say such a thing
But she is paralyzed with an open ear
...
And while you protect your heart
From the fear that you will never be loved
You must create the reality that it is the family he abandoned.
...
She sits down,
Tears rolling down her face,
Having an inkling to resist and remain composed.
...
So I continue before she becomes self aware.
You were never loved as a kid were you?
You were ignored, daddy left, never felt beautiful.
...
Streams rolling down her cheeks now
As I continue along these lines
An emotional portal opened directly to her heart.
...
I sit and wait
And let tears flow
There is healing in tears
...
And frustration and anger and fear
Overwhelm her
But she has the security here to cry.
...
I see her emerge
A new softness surrounds her
She is ready
...
She looks at me
As if a glimmer of hope
In her eyes lies a question
...
You see dear,
You are beautiful beyond comprehension
Afraid of your own light
...
She wipes her face
Cleans herself
Sits up straight but still hanging on my words
...
And you dont need me to tell you
Or anyone for that matter
To know that you are unique, special, beautiful, lovable
...
She finally becomes aware,
Glances around the room
A new peace is formed
...
Accept the rejection,
Only through accepting reality can you learn your value
Only when you learn to love yourself can you learn to love others.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright December 2015
Doesn't he love his own kids,
Why would he not see them?
...
I calmly reply,
It is not his kids he left,
It is you.
...
And she freezes,
Shocked that I would say such a thing
But she is paralyzed with an open ear
...
And while you protect your heart
From the fear that you will never be loved
You must create the reality that it is the family he abandoned.
...
She sits down,
Tears rolling down her face,
Having an inkling to resist and remain composed.
...
So I continue before she becomes self aware.
You were never loved as a kid were you?
You were ignored, daddy left, never felt beautiful.
...
Streams rolling down her cheeks now
As I continue along these lines
An emotional portal opened directly to her heart.
...
I sit and wait
And let tears flow
There is healing in tears
...
And frustration and anger and fear
Overwhelm her
But she has the security here to cry.
...
I see her emerge
A new softness surrounds her
She is ready
...
She looks at me
As if a glimmer of hope
In her eyes lies a question
...
You see dear,
You are beautiful beyond comprehension
Afraid of your own light
...
She wipes her face
Cleans herself
Sits up straight but still hanging on my words
...
And you dont need me to tell you
Or anyone for that matter
To know that you are unique, special, beautiful, lovable
...
She finally becomes aware,
Glances around the room
A new peace is formed
...
Accept the rejection,
Only through accepting reality can you learn your value
Only when you learn to love yourself can you learn to love others.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright December 2015
Friday, January 1, 2016
Wait for a Sunny Day
Sunny Day - DefSTAR RECORDS
Koboreochita no wa
Namida jyanaku inoru koe
Miagete ita no wa
Lumo no ue no taiyou
Nemuru youni ikite ita
Itsumo kodoku datta
Kimi ni deau sono hi made wa
Zutto zutto koko de
Hitori demo utaeru
Ai no uta ga aru toshite mo
Hitori de wa sagasenai
Ryoute ni fureta kono nukumori
Kamen wo matoeba
Wasurerareru kigashiteta
Kioku wo shimatta
Hako ni kagi wo kakete
Anna kurai basho de sae
Kimi wo mistsukedaseta
Modoru koto ga dekinakute mo
Motto motto tooku
Hitorikiri oboeta
Ai no uta ga aru toshite mo
Hitori de wa todokanai
Doa no mukou de matsu ashita e
koko kara mou ichido arukidasu
With you
Kanashimi wo yasashisa ni
Kaete miseru kara
Itsuka wa kanarazu
Hontou no jibun wo yurusetara
Itami mo kieteku
Kitto
Hitori demo utaeru
Ai no uta wa mou iranai
Hitori de wa sagasenai
Hidamari no youna kono nukumori
Kimi to nara sagaseru
Mita koto no nai ashita wo
Lonesome
By beloved's gone,
Feel like I'm missing a rib
Don't know what to do.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright January 2016
Photo compliments of pixabay.com
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