Friday, October 21, 2016

7 Points of Confusion

There are many things I have confused in my life,

Yes, many things to be twisted in time


Familiarity and comfort,

Quite opposite they be,

For what I am used to makes me quite uncomfortable,

A progressive man I am,

A hunter, going after the next big thing,

I cannot just stay where I am,

Growth motivates me and fuels my passion,


Sexuality and intimacy,

I have had sexuality with no intimacy,

And later, it fills me with shame,

The dark depths of the closet which I seek to clean,

I have had intimacy without sexuality,

From which I might feel the weight of a broken relationship,

And long for the companionship of another years later,


Curiosity with attraction,

Oh, what random thoughts race through my mind!

My natural inclination to explore runs quite a muck,

I even doubted my own orientation,

Simply because I was curious about homosexuality,

Curious about the most taboo subjects,

Has dead ended in disgust rather than attraction.


Strong versus weak,

I thought I was strong by being the soldier,

Carrying the weight all on my own,

I was simply made weak since no one was there,

But true strength is the ability to ask for help when needed,

Healthy adults can equally rely on others and can be relied upon

And true strength comes from where we are most weak.


Performance versus worth,

I thought I was worth what I had accomplished,

I thought I could earn my parents love,

I thought if I did enough it would undo the words spoken by others

But human beings are worthy alone

Just by existing they have extreme value

For they have a soul which will long outlive their works


Character and reputation,

I used to have a great reputation,

And such bad character

Then, I came clean and sought a pure heart

My character started to grow

While my reputation was shot

What God thinks of you versus another's point of view


Good versus bad,

I used to think I was good,

But this in and of itself was bad,

For my desire to be good,

Hid from me what was bad,

As if I could be good enough to outweigh the wretched man

So now I focus on daily doing rather than being.


<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright October 2016

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