The ultimate rejection,
Divorce,
Flashed through me like glass hitting the floor
The pain so deep I scattered
Just wishing it would go away.
Pieces of glass on the floor were sources of my identity
The medical institute accepted me in
As the base ball bat slipped through my fingers to the floor
Wanting to shatter windows
To show what raged inside me
Like distant memories of an angry father
To make the external match the internal
And the judgement that weighed on my shoulders
Was enough to convince me
That I was bad
That I was wrong
Enough to convince me
My kids would be better off without me
Heart broken I was willing to leave forever
A friend from the least expected of places walked and talked
Convinced me to battle
"The war we wage is not of flesh and bones," He said
Then, a voice deep within me
Whispered to fight
From my knees
Wounded and broken
So...
I did
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright 2016
Saturday, July 9, 2016
Thursday, July 7, 2016
The Blacker The Berry
I have tasted of the sweetest fruit,
Beauties that you never would have known,
My conservative exterior is the perfect camoflouge
For my restless interior,
I thought any woman would quiet my soul,
But I soon learned that was not the case.
So like a wild stalion,
I thought if I was to roam free,
That would bring me peace,
Threesomes and orgies,
I was showered with attention,
Yet, it left me even more alone.
I thought a popular cheerleader or actress or model would please me
For nothing feels greater than the envy of eyes
As I walk through stares standing next to a tight red dress
But intimacy only revealed the subtle flaws.
I thought perhaps a woman from my roots was the answer,
So I chased English and Japanese and Puerto Rican girls.
I have tried it all but to no avail.
Was youth the answer,
Thirsting like a blood lust,
Chasing a mystic fountain?
No, for my years have aged my taste buds.
One might think I must be gay,
But no, I have tried that too.
Unfortunately enough,
I have tried a few.
But all and all,
Experience does not seem to lead me closer.
More like frozen with the possibility,
That perhaps there is no hope.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
July 2016
Beauties that you never would have known,
My conservative exterior is the perfect camoflouge
For my restless interior,
I thought any woman would quiet my soul,
But I soon learned that was not the case.
So like a wild stalion,
I thought if I was to roam free,
That would bring me peace,
Threesomes and orgies,
I was showered with attention,
Yet, it left me even more alone.
I thought a popular cheerleader or actress or model would please me
For nothing feels greater than the envy of eyes
As I walk through stares standing next to a tight red dress
But intimacy only revealed the subtle flaws.
I thought perhaps a woman from my roots was the answer,
So I chased English and Japanese and Puerto Rican girls.
I have tried it all but to no avail.
Was youth the answer,
Thirsting like a blood lust,
Chasing a mystic fountain?
No, for my years have aged my taste buds.
One might think I must be gay,
But no, I have tried that too.
Unfortunately enough,
I have tried a few.
But all and all,
Experience does not seem to lead me closer.
More like frozen with the possibility,
That perhaps there is no hope.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
July 2016
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Letting a Lover Go
It seems like a lifetime ago,
I remember the scent, the scene, the feeling,
And the moment I recollect the memory,
Instantly I miss it all.
My mind wanders through a myriad of ways,
To reopen the door,
But the door was closed for a reason,
So I must force myself to remember how to let go,
Then, like a shard to the heart,
I must actually do it.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
July 2016
I remember the scent, the scene, the feeling,
And the moment I recollect the memory,
Instantly I miss it all.
My mind wanders through a myriad of ways,
To reopen the door,
But the door was closed for a reason,
So I must force myself to remember how to let go,
Then, like a shard to the heart,
I must actually do it.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
July 2016
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