An Empty Seat

I have an empty seat in front of me,

A beautiful night in a beautiful life,

But no companion to share it with.

I have tried a million times to fill that seat.

But like the empty void in me,

It never gets filled.

Or at least remains that way.

It starts out great.

But it is always the same.

I am high off of hope.

But eventually,

I find myself wanting more.

And this is coupled with new responsibilities,

I am unable to fulfill.

I have no power to make someone else happy.

Or fill their void.

Trust me,

I have tried.

Desperately tried.

I guess wanting more comes from both sides.

How can one put in the energy into a new potential?

When the sting of the past remains present.

I guess,

I am still not ready.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD

Copyright June 2019

Dark Caverns

Sleepless nights,

Am I a good mother?

Could I have done more?

What did I do wrong?

Where did I go wrong?

How did I miss the signs?

We went for help,

But it was too late.

Thanksgiving without him

Because he was in a rehabilitation clinic

Alcohol.

Then, locked up for nine months.

I couldn't see my baby boy in that place.

When he came home,

I thanked God that he was safe again.

Guilty, because I had my other kids.

My other responsibilities.

The first time he slit his wrists,

He was only 15 years old.

Then, he popped pills.

Hospital visits.

He finally succeeded.

And I have failed.

Now, I wear black.

The pain in my chest

Its going to explode.

I scream and cry and can't escape.

Each day I get up,

The world is different

Depression is real

And it took my baby boy.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright 2019