Our ship appeared beautiful and gorgeous,
A well performing unit,
A picture perfect life,
But when the iceberg tested the ship's might in the darkness,
The true colors were revealed.
We were left exhausted and stranded,
Drowning and at the mercy of the deep blue,
And as I swam to my mother to try to keep from drowning,
She pushed me away for fear that she would soon perish.
And as I reached for my father,
A similar situation occured.
Luckily, the life boats eventually came, but could not carry us all.
And exhausted and weak, one by one my family was rescued.
And they needed medical attention and healing so they committed to never return.
As if a curse was laid down, we were scattered among nations.
And as this occurred, I made certain vows and created certain defensive strategies.
This is how I survived.
And once in a while, I still feel the pain.
And in that moment, I can do one of two things.
I can live, breath and sweat pain in reality.
Or I can elaborate in my mind, a fantasy.
And while I know it would be wrong as a reality,
I can justify the lack of harm as long as it remains a fantasy.
But I find, that the more mental focus I place,
The more my reality becomes distorted, aligning with my original fantasy.
It is as if my mind is so powerful that it can attract the imaginary into the universe.
And then, unexpectedly, I find myself, in the midst of a situation,
A situation which I never intended to really exist.
And I have no control or power.
Reason was abandoned long before.
I become a character in a play,
Drawn to the previously scripted destiny.
Except that this play, has no ending.
And when the script ends, I am left with a brutal reality.
Even more pain.
Even more anger.
Even deeper vows.
This is how I survive.