I stood in heaven,
In the presence of God,
An armed warrior ready for battle,
So prepped and ready to go,
I thought I would be one of Earth's greatest warriors.
Why would I not want to enter the battle below?
And in an instant, I forgot everything.
Comfortably laying in the belly of my mother.
I was warm and knew nothing of hunger or pain.
Time pressed on until one day,
I left my mother's womb and entered the world.
The cold and suffering immediately hit me.
Lost and alone, with no purpose or meaning.
I would cry for hours and vaguely heard the words of my mother,
"Just let him cry himself to sleep."
Why would I have ever wanted to enter the world?
And then school came.
The classroom was organized and structured,
With ample protection from the authorities.
But recess was chaotic and crazy.
With girls and bullies, both equally frightening.
I was scared to go into the school yard.
So I caused mischief and as punishment was forced to stay inside.
Why would I have ever wanted to leave the safety of the classroom?
Soon after came my senior year.
I had finally found comfort.
I was not ready to begin the journey.
I was not done solidifying my bonds on the home front.
But I was kicked out.
Forced to find a way in the world.
Why would I have ever wanted to leave the security I had discovered?
For so long, I feared the world.
For so long, I fought the reality.
For so long, the sword had sat rusting and forgotten.
Until one day, I finally remembered.