Tuesday, May 26, 2015


Johnny used to pee on the carpet, steal momey and run away from home.

The funny thing was, Johnny never got in trouble for acting out.  He only got in trouble randomly and depending on his father's mood.

Johnny learned from a young age that harboring anger would only lead to an outlet on other more helpless individuals.   So Johnny, as a child idealized the situation.  He would turn into a rag doll, and play dead.  He was supporting the family by becoming a rag doll to reduce his father's stress as he was thrown to the ground and slapped around.

But one day, Johnny had an overwhelming sense that his life was not his own.  He walked across the street back and forth hoping to get hit by a car.  Eventually, a police car came and told him to go home.

Johnny was always thankful that he had not been killed that day.  And his matra for survival from that point on was, "Why commit suicide today, I can just wait for tomorrow and if I still feel like it, do it tomorrow."

As Johnny grew, he would be plagued with nightmares of his father.  Although Johnny did not know it, the nightmares were his only access to the valuable emotion of anger and rage.  The only access to the emotion that internally allows people to sense intuitively the injustices around us.  Injustices to ourselves and others.  And if Johnny could learn how to integrate this emotion, he might finally learn how to protect himself from inappropriate manipulation in his adult life.

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