The Living Dead

My heart feels like it is torn in two
The agony of feeling alone


I have friends
Yet I do not want to be with them
I want companionship
Yet I want to be alone


I'm on the verge of crying
Just the word makes me sad
I feel heavy and afflicted
Every weight makes me heavier still


My feet can barely walk
When my head hits the pillow
I feel rest
And pray the night lasts forever


How I long for the touch of a woman
The holding hands, the loving kiss
Oh, how I would love the kiss of soft fresh lips
The kind that sparkle with youth and passion


To be able to share a secret
Between you and another


To hold their body
to touch them in ways
That would make them want
to scream out to the whole world


A secret shared
A loving look
A warm embrace
To feel at peace


My body is either yelling in objection
Or feels like an abandoned ghost


I walk like the living
Yet feel like I'm dead
My soul speaks to my body
Yet there is no reply


Was there ever a time when I was confident?
Was there ever a time when I was attractive?
I can't remember
My memories fade


Oh how can one filled with so much love
Have so few to share it with?
How did I get to the place where my only outlets are
Art, music, poetry and novels

...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
October 2014