Friday, May 29, 2015

To Love and Be Loved

When we choose right,

We show our love by obedience,

Opening our eyes to the truth of God's promises.


When we choose wrong,

We receive His love in our dependence,

Opening our eyes to the grace of God.


Both are necessary,

Both are needed,

The food and water of life.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© May 2015

The Pride Cycle

We start with His love,

Thousands of ways to say thank you,

Thousands of reasons to show gratitude.

Our default here is to choose right,

To accept self care,

To take care of and care for other people

He lives with us and guides us,

But pride sinks in,

Confidence rages,

We begin to wonder why we need God,

Or we have simply forgotten Him.

And he leaves us to our own demise.

We become numbed by the comfort, control and significance

Utilizing the idols which we blindly succumb to

For the few chosen souls,

Gods double edge sword,

Pierces the heart,

Exposing the painful reality and the damage done,

Lifes circumstances bring every man and woman to their knees,

And we experience the beauty of His amazing grace.

Ending with His love.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© May 2015

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Lost Gifts

I gave you a poem I can never get back,

I gave you a piece of my heart that I now lack,

If I could turn back the sands of time would I?

Or would I leave it alone for tears to cry?

Can I admit wrong and still wish it so?

If I believe it wrong why does my longing grow?

I am lost in my thoughts simply a mess.

I love you, I hate you, I must confess.
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© May 2015

Finally Free

Finally free,

Finally free?

The words sting to the core,

As if I am a maggot,

To be thrown out with yesterday's trash.

The emotional intelligence of a teenage boy,

You wrap circles around me with your words,

As I remain dumbfounded

And left to pick up the pieces of the emotional whirlwind that just hit.

Within months you are already moving on.

At this rate,

I will still be processing and resolving twenty years from now,

Midnight terrors and two am ramblings.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© May 2015

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Icicles of Love

Sometimes we fear we have no room in our hearts,

We have been hurt and the wounds are deep,

We think our cold shoulder represents our cold hearts,

For how can we trust when there is no one to trust?

And then we look deeper.

We are extremely caring individuals with good hearts,

Our passions and dreams are bigger than those of others,

We protect because we know how powerful our love is,

Eventually, we will break the chains of mistrust,

Develop the deep relationships we deserve,

Influencing and inspiring those around us,

And the world will finally see who we are,

And what we are capable of.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© June 2012



The settling for something other than what you truly desire,

The pretension of a false self versus the true self,

Settling for the expectations of others,

Rather than the unconditional love you deserve,

Accepting the fate that life is just incapable of dealing you the royal flush,

The overwhelming sense of loss as you feel the void.

To know that you can never go back in time to fill that childhood need.

It is what brings tears from no where as you read a poem of parental love,

It is what brings tears on a wedding day as you force yourself into the next stage of life,

Knowing you are not completely ready.

It is what causes a nervous break down,

When you watch a romantic movie,

And a friend jokingly tells you that that will never happen to you.

Your hopes and dreams presented to a blinded soul,

Leave you wounded with the understanding the others are incapable of caring for you.

So you push to be the light in the world.

That you have never even seen or experienced

This is your world,

This is your sacrifice.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
May 2015

Tuesday, May 26, 2015


Johnny used to pee on the carpet, steal momey and run away from home.

The funny thing was, Johnny never got in trouble for acting out.  He only got in trouble randomly and depending on his father's mood.

Johnny learned from a young age that harboring anger would only lead to an outlet on other more helpless individuals.   So Johnny, as a child idealized the situation.  He would turn into a rag doll, and play dead.  He was supporting the family by becoming a rag doll to reduce his father's stress as he was thrown to the ground and slapped around.

But one day, Johnny had an overwhelming sense that his life was not his own.  He walked across the street back and forth hoping to get hit by a car.  Eventually, a police car came and told him to go home.

Johnny was always thankful that he had not been killed that day.  And his matra for survival from that point on was, "Why commit suicide today, I can just wait for tomorrow and if I still feel like it, do it tomorrow."

As Johnny grew, he would be plagued with nightmares of his father.  Although Johnny did not know it, the nightmares were his only access to the valuable emotion of anger and rage.  The only access to the emotion that internally allows people to sense intuitively the injustices around us.  Injustices to ourselves and others.  And if Johnny could learn how to integrate this emotion, he might finally learn how to protect himself from inappropriate manipulation in his adult life.

Growing Children

A child, helpless and powerless to save his mother from his father's abuse,

Will grow to become a hero to women who have suffered similar fates.

And his anger for his father will be expressed and directed towards such a woman's significant other.

The most damaging revenge would be an illustrious affair.

To steal a man's perceived property.

A child abandoned by others,

Will create a charismatic demeanor,

Creating an environment of attraction,

Where as an adult,

May abandon others,

As seen through a lack of loyalty or commitment,

Where the denial of childhood rejection cannot be felt.

A child raised to be perfect,

Threatened by the loss of love,

From parents who themselves,

Lived under perfection of morals and performance,

Will break this bond,

And if coupled with appropriate levels of shame and humiliation,

Will develop a split personality of the true self,

One that is essentially seen by the child as bad,

To be developed in secret and hiding,

And another that is good but is a forced distortion of the true self,

Based on conformity and expectations.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

My Fortress

The reservoir of emotions,

Such a scary place,

I know that if I have a single kiss,

That everything I feel,

Everything I cannot put into words,

Will be transferred,

And it scares me to death,

To let my guard down,

To let the sea of emotions through,

Because I am scared to death to fall in love with you,

That is where you can hurt me,

That is where I am vulnerable,

Where rejection is a thousand knives,

Where tears fall onto soaked pillows,

Where yelping pain echoes in the confined walls of my mind.

So let the walls be built.

This fortress of protection.

So that my heart may be protected.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© May 2015

Friday, May 22, 2015

Lean on Me

I just want someone I can pour my heart out to,

Someone who I can be myself around,

Not the man who carries the world on his shoulders,

The one who never burdens anyone with anything.

And around everyone,

My anxiety takes over,

And no one knows,

Because I have been trained,

Do not show the slightest hint of weakness.

But with you,

I can't remember anything,

Its been so long,

All I remember is how you made me feel,

All I remember was not having to worry about myself,

Because I could look into your eyes,

And get lost,

And all anxiety would wash away,

As I stayed mesmerized.

And even though time has passed,

I feel I could just pick up exactly where we left off.

Old Wounds


They expose themselves to me,


And in public places,

They please themselves.

I do not understand.

Is it sickness?

The adrenaline?

Thank God that is the extent of my personal boundaries crossed sexually.

Aren't they supposed to protect me?

It is okay really.

Really it is.

But they say I am supposed to be angry.

I am supposed to remember how powerless I felt.

Scared, disgusted, shocked.

Like a foggy dream,

But were they really nightmares?

They say if I do not face this.

Feel this.

When my sons are born,

I will linger.

When I am now in control.

And they are helpless.

And I will make comments with girlfriends,

And deep down there will be subtleties,

Possibly contempt.

Possibly expression of power.

So, fine.

You win.

Let me reopen these boxes.

Let me reexamine these wounds.
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© May 2015

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

The Chaotic Kid

The chaotic soul,

Obsessed with conquering women,

Seducing them to vulnerability,

Only to abandon them.

The recreation of childhood events,

Yet this time in control.

In search of closure.

What does he search for?

An unmet need?

The span of time in life,

Where a child is supposed to receive unconditional love.

Recreating moments in search for what was lost.

Anger, the first step in grieving and mourning the loss.

A long journey of healing.

So where is freedom?

Freedom comes from realizing there is no need to create chaos,

No need to test the waters,

No need to test if others will stay,

An unfair test indeed!

For all give love conditionally.

And that span of life has passed,

And that need can never be met,

For even a parent can no longer love an adult child unconditionally,

As seen by all children who trigger into their parent's brokenness.

Thank God, unconditional love is not needed as an adult.

At least not unconditional love from others,

For the fulfillment by others,

In early childhood,

Was always supposed to point to something greater.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© May 2015

Monday, May 18, 2015

Breaking Barriers

Why do I have to fight you,

Just to find out who you are?

The bread crumbs left behind,

Too difficult to endure.


Am I not trust worthy?

Is there any you can trust?

Broken and shattered you are.

In fact just a little girl.


Well my pursuit is finished,

But my hope remains.

When you need a helping hand,

Simply call out my name.


All have been hurt and want to be known.

But it takes courage to risk for seeds to be sown.


<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© May 2015

Spiritual Food and Water

If you have food and shelter,

Be happy they say.

But life does not come from food and shelter.

Life comes from having our dreams,

Flow out of our souls,

And into the world through our

Joys, Sorrow and Passions.

It comes from both building and creating.

Our spirit making its mark on the world,

Through an endless stream of emotions.

And tired restless hands.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
c May 2015

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Around the World in a Day

My life,

The endless cycle of madness,

Starts with me,

The crazy kid,

Adventurous and daring,

Connecting with everyone around me,

Silly and playful,

Passionate and emotional,

A dreamer,

But me,

As I am,

Will always be rejected,

It sends me off into a numb state,

Where no pain exists,

Where I can do anything and everything,

Where I am out of my own body,

Like a fog,

And meditation can isolate and control the pain.

And depression and lack of motivation takes me to oblivion.

Then one day I wake up,

And shame and guilt set in,

My melancholic mood,

The downer that is,

Brings me to dancing,

And music,

A world of my own,


Leads me to utilize my unique strengths,

My life becomes an endless list of goals,

All in front of me,

I pursue with new found strength,

Confidence is high,

Admiration and applause,

The daily disciplines,

Then abandonment sinks in,

For a leader stands alone,

I find I have lost touch with others,

Those whose dreams still live are few,

And I rebirth my desire for connection.

To be known,

And relationships matter once again.

This cycle,

This insanity,

It is me.

<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© May 2015

Saturday, May 16, 2015


The danger of having something great,

Is that all future moments,

Are vetted against those newly raised standards,

As sorrow fills my soul with what was lost,

My mind compounds to conform to the moments,

A sweet escape to recreate a never ending story.

And the more I feel connected to the memory,

The more reality fades away.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Emotional Physical Ying Yang

Women, naturally attaching emotionally to everyone.

Men, naturally attaching physically to everyone.

Mothers, training men to set appropriate physical boundaries.

Fathers, training women to set appropriate emotional boundaries.

Overbearing or absent mothers, demolishing men's capability to set emotional boundaries.

Overbearing or absent fathers, demolishing women's capability to set physical boundaries.

Women with no physical outlets, within a safe environment may become physical volcanoes.

Men with no emotional outlets, within a safe environment may become emotional volcanoes.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

New Chances

God brings me back to slow dancing as a kid,

He brings me back through time,

He brings me a new graduation,

He brings me joy again as my daughter overcomes my greatest fear,

Her voice echoes and is carried off by laughter,

He brings me back to seeing my mom in the car alone,

Yet this time someone sits by her,

He brings me back to crying to sleep at night,

Yet this time someone sits by my bed,

And reads me a story.

He brings me freedom, this great defender,

He blesses my work so that I might bring him glory,

He heals my darkest wounds,

God brings me the love of my youth,

He recreates opportunities to make it right,

So to this heartless cold world,

I am sorry for the wrong I have done,

The young and innocent I failed to protect,

I am sorry for being selfish and at times inhumane,

I am sorry for being a beast.

My mistakes are many,

The imperfect human I am.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Energy Mediums

My window left open

And energy transfers

Leave me wide awake

At two in the morning