The road to greatness,
Starts with a deep sensation within you,
Where you just wish someone would believe in you.
You just wish someone would give you a chance.
You start because you are tired of losing...
Then, the daily disciplines,
Day in and day out,
Bring you to become
Someone you weren't even sure you could become.
You see growth and others see it too.
You start to believe you were destined for greatness.
You start to believe you can actually win...
Then, comes the moment when the approval and affirmation of others,
Just isn't enough.
The competition has dried up.
For a while,
You forget who you were competing with,
And then you realize you are now competing with yourself.
Your new outlook is more about being the best you can be.
Your focus has moved from just beating others.
When it comes to the end of something,
Whether its school,
A game,
Or just life,
The score board doesn't really matter.
All you really want to be able to say is,
"I gave it my all"...
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Aaron and Amy
Aaron was an intellectual. As such, his brainy ways never fascinated women much. As a young teenager, women would often look the other way, as Aaron found himself lost in the endless sea of books which occupied him and his imagination. Aaron had a good group of friends and they spent their days playing video games and watching movies.
As Aaron entered college, he started to venture out more and more from his comfort zone. You would have never guessed it, but Aaron was a natural flirt, with his quick wit and deep affirmations. His demeanor naturally made his comments seem quite sincere. It seemed there were actually many women out there with the Cinderella complex, who yearned for these affirmations. After all, absent and emotionally distant fathers were all too common.
As such, Aaron's social status raised throughout his college years. He had a good solid group of friends to hang out with and dates seemed to fill his calendar.
In his junior year, he met Amy. Aaron appreciated Amy's sensitive nature. She was very popular and was the type of girl who paid attention to the tiny details that made you feel special. She would organize birthday parties and weekend getaways. While most people quickly got tired of maintaining a myriad of relationships, Amy seemed to naturally keep up. She was so relational. Randomly, setting lunch dates and arriving with a small gift bag, filled with tissue paper and a special surprise was Amy's signature. No one could ever remember anything Amy talked about but everyone could remember how she made them feel.
After a few years, Aaron proposed to Amy and they began their life together. However, the insecurities from Aaron's youth and being known as an introvert, drove Aaron to continue to expand his social network. He still had the need to feel useful and desirable. Looking back, Aaron always thought it ironic that when he finally gained the social skills to court a woman, he got married. When he was at the top of his game, as his guy friends put it, he was no longer allowed to play.
One night, Amy came home and found Aaron browsing Facebook. Aaron seemed to be acting slightly different than normal, so Amy confronted him. "What are you doing she asked?"
"Oh, just chatting online," Aaron said.
"With who?", Amy asked, moving toward the bed, where Aaron was resting with his laptop. As she came over, she saw a long thread with a gal named Tiffany. "Who's Tiffany?"
Aaron started to explain that Tiffany was a girl from college who was looking for a job. Aaron was helping her get her resume set up and providing some guidance. "How long have you been helping her?", Amy asked.
Over the course of the conversation, it became clear that Aaron's relationship with Tiffany was more than superficial. They had been chatting back and forth online for several months now. "I'm hurt that you didn't mention her earlier to me. Is there something she is giving you that you feel I am not providing? Do you find her attractive physically?"
Aaron seemed somewhat startled. Perhaps, he had missed where he was at with Tiffany. He thought it was just harmless chatting. But there might have been some truth in Amy's line of questioning. He sat quiet for a moment.
"Hmm. Your silence tells me enough." Amy walked out of the room and downstairs to the living room. She wasn't overly upset but Aaron knew she was hurt.
Aaron waited a few minutes before going downstairs. He was still very much in love with Amy. He sat next to her on the couch.
"Amy, I am sorry. Look, I love you very much. I think I do need to take another look at my relationship with Tiffany. I am sorry my chatting has affected you this way, but I want you to know how I feel about you. And as far as your physical attractiveness, you are so unbelievable hot." Although Amy was more concerned about the emotional connection with Tiffany, Aaron, being a guy, naturally heard loud and clear the comment about a possible physical connection.
Aaron's mind quickly raced through all of Amy's physically attractive qualities and his body rushed with sexual tension even with only a few milliseconds of thought. But he stayed in the moment. Aaron wanted to share with Amy exactly what he felt about her.
He started with her eyes. "Amy, your eyes are like starlight. A beautiful nebula of colors in a distant galaxy which can captivate my attention for hours on end. Your lips, are soft and lush. I have never kissed such wonderful lips. Like sweet nectarine, I would love to suck for hours."
Aaron's mind raced with sexual thoughts as he thought about Amy's other body parts. But he stopped. He hesitated. "I could continue. I could describe exactly how each part of your body sends me into hyper drive. But I won't. To do so would be wrong. It would be misplaced. My words might be misconstrued and add to the undoubted list of insecurities you might have, as I place you under the microscope to be judged. To be judged under my fatally flawed perspective that has no doubt been distorted through years of mental conditioning through main stream media that has told me what the human body should look like." Aaron had a tendency to live on the edge of romantic versus the philosophical. While most people thought it annoying, Amy admired the truth in it. She didn't like hearing fluff and romantic nonsense. She was deeper than that.
"So rather than describe, let me say that it is your soul and my love for you that ignites my physical attraction. It is that love for you, that makes me love this temple for your soul. I feel unbelievably connected to you. And the offspring of that is a deep physical desire for your body. I wish you could see for just one single moment what I see."
Aaron leaned in to Amy. "Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?" Amy's heart had already softened. Tiffany could wait for later. She leaned into Aaron and they began to kiss.
As Aaron entered college, he started to venture out more and more from his comfort zone. You would have never guessed it, but Aaron was a natural flirt, with his quick wit and deep affirmations. His demeanor naturally made his comments seem quite sincere. It seemed there were actually many women out there with the Cinderella complex, who yearned for these affirmations. After all, absent and emotionally distant fathers were all too common.
As such, Aaron's social status raised throughout his college years. He had a good solid group of friends to hang out with and dates seemed to fill his calendar.
In his junior year, he met Amy. Aaron appreciated Amy's sensitive nature. She was very popular and was the type of girl who paid attention to the tiny details that made you feel special. She would organize birthday parties and weekend getaways. While most people quickly got tired of maintaining a myriad of relationships, Amy seemed to naturally keep up. She was so relational. Randomly, setting lunch dates and arriving with a small gift bag, filled with tissue paper and a special surprise was Amy's signature. No one could ever remember anything Amy talked about but everyone could remember how she made them feel.
After a few years, Aaron proposed to Amy and they began their life together. However, the insecurities from Aaron's youth and being known as an introvert, drove Aaron to continue to expand his social network. He still had the need to feel useful and desirable. Looking back, Aaron always thought it ironic that when he finally gained the social skills to court a woman, he got married. When he was at the top of his game, as his guy friends put it, he was no longer allowed to play.
One night, Amy came home and found Aaron browsing Facebook. Aaron seemed to be acting slightly different than normal, so Amy confronted him. "What are you doing she asked?"
"Oh, just chatting online," Aaron said.
"With who?", Amy asked, moving toward the bed, where Aaron was resting with his laptop. As she came over, she saw a long thread with a gal named Tiffany. "Who's Tiffany?"
Aaron started to explain that Tiffany was a girl from college who was looking for a job. Aaron was helping her get her resume set up and providing some guidance. "How long have you been helping her?", Amy asked.
Over the course of the conversation, it became clear that Aaron's relationship with Tiffany was more than superficial. They had been chatting back and forth online for several months now. "I'm hurt that you didn't mention her earlier to me. Is there something she is giving you that you feel I am not providing? Do you find her attractive physically?"
Aaron seemed somewhat startled. Perhaps, he had missed where he was at with Tiffany. He thought it was just harmless chatting. But there might have been some truth in Amy's line of questioning. He sat quiet for a moment.
"Hmm. Your silence tells me enough." Amy walked out of the room and downstairs to the living room. She wasn't overly upset but Aaron knew she was hurt.
Aaron waited a few minutes before going downstairs. He was still very much in love with Amy. He sat next to her on the couch.
"Amy, I am sorry. Look, I love you very much. I think I do need to take another look at my relationship with Tiffany. I am sorry my chatting has affected you this way, but I want you to know how I feel about you. And as far as your physical attractiveness, you are so unbelievable hot." Although Amy was more concerned about the emotional connection with Tiffany, Aaron, being a guy, naturally heard loud and clear the comment about a possible physical connection.
Aaron's mind quickly raced through all of Amy's physically attractive qualities and his body rushed with sexual tension even with only a few milliseconds of thought. But he stayed in the moment. Aaron wanted to share with Amy exactly what he felt about her.
He started with her eyes. "Amy, your eyes are like starlight. A beautiful nebula of colors in a distant galaxy which can captivate my attention for hours on end. Your lips, are soft and lush. I have never kissed such wonderful lips. Like sweet nectarine, I would love to suck for hours."
Aaron's mind raced with sexual thoughts as he thought about Amy's other body parts. But he stopped. He hesitated. "I could continue. I could describe exactly how each part of your body sends me into hyper drive. But I won't. To do so would be wrong. It would be misplaced. My words might be misconstrued and add to the undoubted list of insecurities you might have, as I place you under the microscope to be judged. To be judged under my fatally flawed perspective that has no doubt been distorted through years of mental conditioning through main stream media that has told me what the human body should look like." Aaron had a tendency to live on the edge of romantic versus the philosophical. While most people thought it annoying, Amy admired the truth in it. She didn't like hearing fluff and romantic nonsense. She was deeper than that.
"So rather than describe, let me say that it is your soul and my love for you that ignites my physical attraction. It is that love for you, that makes me love this temple for your soul. I feel unbelievably connected to you. And the offspring of that is a deep physical desire for your body. I wish you could see for just one single moment what I see."
Aaron leaned in to Amy. "Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?" Amy's heart had already softened. Tiffany could wait for later. She leaned into Aaron and they began to kiss.
Captivating
The words you speak,
The facial expressions you make,
Hold me captivated.
...
Time flies in endless motion,
Spaces of scenic transformation,
And yet, I remain captivated.
...
Like a witch and her wardrobe,
The mystic spell falls captivating me,
Turning me into a simple loaf of bread.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
The facial expressions you make,
Hold me captivated.
...
Time flies in endless motion,
Spaces of scenic transformation,
And yet, I remain captivated.
...
Like a witch and her wardrobe,
The mystic spell falls captivating me,
Turning me into a simple loaf of bread.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Honeymooning
It is the moment that you show you care enough about me,
To respect my standards,
Solely because they are important to me,
That I am willing to bend my standards for you.
...
It is your willingness to get to know me,
And your willingness to share your true self,
That I love about our friendship,
But that intimacy is also what prevents us from remaining just friends.
...
It is the exploration of past and present,
A special combination of unique spiritual, emotional and physical experiences,
Which seem to form a necessary growth before we can part our ways,
But the novel depth provided by that journey also makes it impossible to let go.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
To respect my standards,
Solely because they are important to me,
That I am willing to bend my standards for you.
...
It is your willingness to get to know me,
And your willingness to share your true self,
That I love about our friendship,
But that intimacy is also what prevents us from remaining just friends.
...
It is the exploration of past and present,
A special combination of unique spiritual, emotional and physical experiences,
Which seem to form a necessary growth before we can part our ways,
But the novel depth provided by that journey also makes it impossible to let go.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
The Sea Siren
My heart longs for closeness,
But my Earthly attempts have left me dry,
Destined to a life unfulfilled,
Never knowing what I know is possible.
...
The answer cannot be to lose oneself,
And wallow in a sea of numbness,
But somehow to die yet live,
Yet, what does that even mean?
...
Oh, siren of the sea,
Siren of poetry,
Are you just a crash against the shore,
A mere mirage of my imagination?
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
But my Earthly attempts have left me dry,
Destined to a life unfulfilled,
Never knowing what I know is possible.
...
The answer cannot be to lose oneself,
And wallow in a sea of numbness,
But somehow to die yet live,
Yet, what does that even mean?
...
Oh, siren of the sea,
Siren of poetry,
Are you just a crash against the shore,
A mere mirage of my imagination?
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Enlightenment
I used to think that life was grand,
And endless world to explore,
That happiness was a choice.
...
And then one day my world was shattered,
Life's mysteries became apparent,
As my rose colored glasses fell.
...
I could see people for who they were,
And worse, I could see who I really was,
All broken, lost, selfish and afraid.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
And endless world to explore,
That happiness was a choice.
...
And then one day my world was shattered,
Life's mysteries became apparent,
As my rose colored glasses fell.
...
I could see people for who they were,
And worse, I could see who I really was,
All broken, lost, selfish and afraid.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Friday, January 16, 2015
Empty Cup
I feel so empty now,
Like a cup longing to be filled,
All the pain has washed away,
Now laughter comes and goes,
Emotions fill and feel but temporary,
Things have changed so much,
A new beginning.
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Like a cup longing to be filled,
All the pain has washed away,
Now laughter comes and goes,
Emotions fill and feel but temporary,
Things have changed so much,
A new beginning.
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Counterpart
Sometimes you play the lone wolf,
Mad at the world,
Sometimes you play the hero,
Center of victory,
Sometimes you play the martyr,
Destroyed for a cause,
Sometimes you play the victim,
Defeated and helpless,
Sometimes you play the celebrity,
Charming and funny,
Sometimes you play the warrior,
Conquering all,
Sometimes you play the lover,
Smooth and suave,
Sometimes you play the romantic,
Caring and compassionate,
Sometimes you play the provider,
Solid as a rock,
Sometimes you play the teammate,
Fighting side by side,
Sometimes you play the father,
Warm and masculine,
But no matter who you play,
He represents a part of you.
...
To find someone to jump on life's bike with,
Oh it is a wonderous gift,
Someone you can lean into when times get rough,
Who will play your counterpart,
Bringing balance to your madness,
Absorbing all you throw out,
Tender and sweet,
A different set of strengths and roles,
Lucky is the one who finds her,
But grateful is the one who walks his seasons.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Mad at the world,
Sometimes you play the hero,
Center of victory,
Sometimes you play the martyr,
Destroyed for a cause,
Sometimes you play the victim,
Defeated and helpless,
Sometimes you play the celebrity,
Charming and funny,
Sometimes you play the warrior,
Conquering all,
Sometimes you play the lover,
Smooth and suave,
Sometimes you play the romantic,
Caring and compassionate,
Sometimes you play the provider,
Solid as a rock,
Sometimes you play the teammate,
Fighting side by side,
Sometimes you play the father,
Warm and masculine,
But no matter who you play,
He represents a part of you.
...
To find someone to jump on life's bike with,
Oh it is a wonderous gift,
Someone you can lean into when times get rough,
Who will play your counterpart,
Bringing balance to your madness,
Absorbing all you throw out,
Tender and sweet,
A different set of strengths and roles,
Lucky is the one who finds her,
But grateful is the one who walks his seasons.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Feeling Taylor
Ain't it funny rumors fly
And I know you heard about me
Got a long list of ex-lovers
But I could show you incredible things
...
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Love's a game, wanna play
With stolen kisses, pretty lies
...
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
Rose garden filled with thorns
Because darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream
...
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
Magic, madness, heaven, sin
Pained screaming, crying, perfect storms
...
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
You couldn't have loved me better
Dying, so I'm already gone
This poem was created using Lyrics from Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" and Lyrics from Kelly Clarkson's "Already Gone".
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Kissing Sweet
Soft sweet lips,
A gentle kiss,
Time slows away.
...
A hint of fruit,
Moisture trapped,
My mind fades.
...
Succulent jelly,
Hint of pressure,
Kiss me forever.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
A gentle kiss,
Time slows away.
...
A hint of fruit,
Moisture trapped,
My mind fades.
...
Succulent jelly,
Hint of pressure,
Kiss me forever.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
A Warrior's Journey
Josh was a driven man. He always focused on his goals and got what he wanted. Perhaps it was Josh's parents that drove him. They never expected anything less than perfection. Or perhaps it was that cute girl that turned him down in middle school. The one he approached with half choked words only to feel like a fool and endure the embarrasment on top of it. Perhaps it was his driving need to prove himself to himself because of her. Or perhaps he just decided love wasn't going to play fair so he'd pick a different game. Or, maybe, just maybe, it was the rest of the world with their criticisms and endless words of discouragement, trying to hold Josh down. His drive, his ambition, was there to prove the world wrong.
Sure Josh dated. When he could. When it fit in nicely into his plan for his life. A bachelor's in Mechanical Engineering, followed by four years of medical school, two years of residency to become a hand surgeon, and then two years of research on top of that. When it fit into that schedule.
Kim was amazing. She was beautiful and intelligent.
Josh was constantly on the look out for a perfect ten woman. Sure he was superficial, but some wounds go deep, real deep. And he was going to wait and be patient. At least that is what Josh told himself, when others might have seen past his facade and might have gone as far to say that despite his stack of accomplishments, Josh was still a scared young boy, scared to take risks in love.
And when Josh met Kim, he scrutinized everything about her. She might have potential he thought to himself. She might be in my league he thought.
But it was Kim that always made the first move. She is the one who asked Josh out for the first time. She is the one who grabbed Josh by the back of the neck and pulled him in for their first kiss. It was all Kim.
Kim even set up their first meeting by coincidence. She worked in the hospital and found Josh in the breakroom when all of a sudden several boxes arrived that they needed an extra hand with. They were over staffed by two people that day, but for some reason Josh never questioned it. And that was when she rubbed his ego, "Wow. Thank you so much. We really needed that extra hand. And you stay pretty fit for a doctor. Do you work out?" Josh ate it up. Like putty in her hands. After his response, she followed it up with, "Hey, do you want to go for a walk with me this Friday? I have to go pick up some items from Raley's a few blocks from here and I hate walking alone."
With Josh's fragile ego, her compliment and "damsel in distress" call, worked perfectly. And Josh was none the wiser.
But Kim really was amazing. On top of her amazing talents, she had a big loving heart. She visited and delivered smiles to people aging and had a heart to care for those in need. All this on her free time. Kim was not the type to try to impress others and Josh admired that about her. She was the ant, steady and diligent, performing amazing tasks, while no one was looking. But Josh was.
After six months, Josh was hit hard. One day, he sat Kim by the fire place one night and told her, "Kim I have something I need to tell you."
Josh was such a chicken, he always had to preface something important with these words. Otherwise, he would back out. But Kim always made him feel at ease. Comfortable. Like he could say anything and it would be okay.
He continued, "I am a warrior. I love the fight, the struggle and the victory. I love taking on new challenges and growing myself to that next level. But you are the type of woman, that makes a warrior's heart feel full. That softens the firey spirit and brings peace to the warrior's soul. And after years of searching and waiting, I have finally found what I have been looking for."
Josh pulled out an engagement ring. "Kim will you be my final destination? Will you be my life partner?"
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Sure Josh dated. When he could. When it fit in nicely into his plan for his life. A bachelor's in Mechanical Engineering, followed by four years of medical school, two years of residency to become a hand surgeon, and then two years of research on top of that. When it fit into that schedule.
Kim was amazing. She was beautiful and intelligent.
Josh was constantly on the look out for a perfect ten woman. Sure he was superficial, but some wounds go deep, real deep. And he was going to wait and be patient. At least that is what Josh told himself, when others might have seen past his facade and might have gone as far to say that despite his stack of accomplishments, Josh was still a scared young boy, scared to take risks in love.
And when Josh met Kim, he scrutinized everything about her. She might have potential he thought to himself. She might be in my league he thought.
But it was Kim that always made the first move. She is the one who asked Josh out for the first time. She is the one who grabbed Josh by the back of the neck and pulled him in for their first kiss. It was all Kim.
Kim even set up their first meeting by coincidence. She worked in the hospital and found Josh in the breakroom when all of a sudden several boxes arrived that they needed an extra hand with. They were over staffed by two people that day, but for some reason Josh never questioned it. And that was when she rubbed his ego, "Wow. Thank you so much. We really needed that extra hand. And you stay pretty fit for a doctor. Do you work out?" Josh ate it up. Like putty in her hands. After his response, she followed it up with, "Hey, do you want to go for a walk with me this Friday? I have to go pick up some items from Raley's a few blocks from here and I hate walking alone."
With Josh's fragile ego, her compliment and "damsel in distress" call, worked perfectly. And Josh was none the wiser.
But Kim really was amazing. On top of her amazing talents, she had a big loving heart. She visited and delivered smiles to people aging and had a heart to care for those in need. All this on her free time. Kim was not the type to try to impress others and Josh admired that about her. She was the ant, steady and diligent, performing amazing tasks, while no one was looking. But Josh was.
After six months, Josh was hit hard. One day, he sat Kim by the fire place one night and told her, "Kim I have something I need to tell you."
Josh was such a chicken, he always had to preface something important with these words. Otherwise, he would back out. But Kim always made him feel at ease. Comfortable. Like he could say anything and it would be okay.
He continued, "I am a warrior. I love the fight, the struggle and the victory. I love taking on new challenges and growing myself to that next level. But you are the type of woman, that makes a warrior's heart feel full. That softens the firey spirit and brings peace to the warrior's soul. And after years of searching and waiting, I have finally found what I have been looking for."
Josh pulled out an engagement ring. "Kim will you be my final destination? Will you be my life partner?"
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Waiting
I stand here cold,
Waiting for the dusk to settle,
And the sun's warmth hits me,
Reminding me of you.
Your companionship,
Your comfort,
You stir wild,
The heat for my soul.
Nothing quite compares,
And the hole filled by you,
Is butterflies,
Now resting.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Waiting for the dusk to settle,
And the sun's warmth hits me,
Reminding me of you.
Your companionship,
Your comfort,
You stir wild,
The heat for my soul.
Nothing quite compares,
And the hole filled by you,
Is butterflies,
Now resting.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Thursday, January 8, 2015
A Glass of Wine and A Great View
Nick was so “Kick Back”.
Nick always seemed to get along with everyone. He never caused any trouble in school. Never fought with anyone. Nick always seemed to have his ducks in a
row. “How did he relax, yet still manage
to get anything accomplished? Doesn’t
stress promote productivity?” people would naturally wonder of Nick. But somehow, he was the type of guy whose underwear
drawer was even color coordinated, with socks stacked appropriately by color,
from white to lights to darks.
Karen was driven and motivated. She had a sharp wit about her and always
intimidated the guys around her. With
her stack of accomplishments, she was the one who people always said, “Kicked
ass and was taking names.” Karen had graduated
in the top of her class from San Francisco Law School. She loved Nick because she could relax with
him. She could let down her guard. After putting a long hard work week in, she
knew she could come home, grab pizza and a movie and just… Relax.
They say when a Babbling Brook meets the Dead Sea, a
remarkable chemistry occurs. This was
not one of those cases. It was more of a
“Sparrow meets an Oak Tree” type of deal.
In Japanese culture, there is a concept of Honne and
Tatemae. People have their Honne mask,
which is the mask they wear in intimate circles. They also have their Tatemae mask, which is
the mask they wear out in the world.
Unfortunately, some people never find a group of loved ones where they
can actually wear their Honne mask.
Interestingly, enough, over time, Karen found she could not
show her Honne mask to Nick. She was
never quite sure why. Perhaps, it was
her driving need for achievement and to think highly of herself. Or perhaps, it was due to Nick’s overbearing
judgment. Either way, it seemed to be
self preservation.
They say, in a marriage that one person will struggle with
lust and the other will struggle with judgment.
Adultery versus Murder. Grace
versus Truth. The Yin and Yang of love.
Karen was not her Honne and likewise, she was not her
Tatemae. She was both. But for whatever reason, even in her own
home, Karen could not reveal her Honne mask, even though it was dying to reveal
itself. They say the definition of
intimacy is to know and be known. Well,
she was dying to be known. But every
time Karen would try to go beyond surface level, she would feel Nick slam the
door shut.
It was as if the same thing that allowed Nick to judge
others, to convince him that he was somehow better, was the same thing that stopped
him from accepting others. It was the same
thing that prevented him from finding true intimacy.
Karen always baffled Nick with her love conundrums. “Men always cheat,” she would say. “They are all liars. If you were married to a cheater, which would
you rather have, 40 years living under the false lie that your spouse was
faithful or knowing the truth.”
Nick would reply, “I would want to know the truth.”
Karen, who always played devil’s advocate, just to explore
the possibilities, answered back, “Don’t you think it is cruel to let someone
know that you cheated? Wouldn’t you want
to protect them from that heart ache?”
Nick replied, “No, I would rather live a terrible reality
than a wonderful fasad.”
“Hmm.” Karen replied, “I think it might be sweet for someone
to withhold that tragedy for their spouse.
It would be selfish for the person to confess, only to release that
burden upon their spouse. I don’t think
I would want to know.”
“So… Have you cheated
on me? Is that why you are asking?” Nick replied, concerned.
“Can we have a single conversation without attacks and
putting me on the defensive. Uggh.” Karen got up and began to walk into the
hallway. “You are so closed minded,”
she would whisper in her own head.
This was a typical conversation, time and time again. As Karen walked through the hallway, her mind
drifted away.
The truth was, Karen did have an emotional affair. It never became physical, but nevertheless,
it could have. Karen just never quite
felt right about it. She met Rick
several years back and loved Rick’s open mindedness. Karen was completely attracted to Rick’s
intelligence. She never felt judged by
him and was able to explore dazzling conversations regarding love and
relationships. The kind of conversations
she could never have with Nick.
Karen walked over to the couch and sat down. In the living room, she let her eyes peer out
the open window as she recalled her late evenings laughing and conversing with
Rick.
Rick was very achievement based, which Karen liked. She always wondered what it might be like to
be a power couple. Karen thought about
their conversation.
“So I get to see your whore,” Rick had said. They were sitting across the table from each
other.
“Excuse me?” Karen asked.
“Yeah, it is quite common.
It is called the Madonna-Whore complex.
We have the mask we put out for others to see and we have our true
selves. Because of the judgment your
husband imposes on you, you have never been able to reveal your inner whore. We all have one. But in order to reveal it, you need to trust
that your significant other will accept you.
You need to trust that your significant other has the capability to see
beyond your words. To see who you are,
even when you can’t see yourself.”
“Hmm.” Karen
commented.
“Yeah, for instance, you might say, ‘I want to be raped’
which might scare most people. But someone
who is safe can look past your words to understand their meaning, ‘I wish I was
extremely attractive.’
“Its not the words you say, it’s what they convey.” Rick continued. “But someone who you can trust, won’t nail
you down to what you say, or the message conveyed. They will look beyond. The will see you. Accept you.
Love you. Allow your full
uninhibited expression.”
That is really what Karen was looking for. She sighed as she sat remembering. She wondered if she had made the right choice
telling Rick they needed to stop going out together. He had placed it so clearly into words. She wanted an environment where she could
express her deep thoughts without fear or judgment.
Ultimately, Karen made the decision to wait. She decided that in time, Nick might own and
accept his own depravity one day. He
might admit that he had faults and areas which he needed to work on. And when that day came, he might actually be
willing to accept Karen exactly as she was.
It was all related she thought.
She sighed again. “Until
then, at least I have some good wine and a great view,” she thought to herself.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Dinner for Four
The kids come in from playing outside and the table is set. I have spent the last few hours cooking and preparing. The hard service of love I once dreaded. Until by circumstance, it was taken away from me. Service is never more priceless than the point you realize you are at a place you cannot serve anyone. Since then, each dreadful slice, each sluggish minute, preparing, while others relax, while others play is the pure joy and thankfulness. As if somehow, my work can contribute to their happiness. As if somehow, this burden, unseen by others can lighten their load.
And the kids wash their hands and sit, ready to pray. But the two little ones, fighting, fighting. Holding hands is such a challenge. And we are hungry and tired and each argumentative word lingers and puts pressure on our temperment. But I can wait through this.
Then, the oldest child, the boy, grows angry with impatience. He orders the older of the girls to stop their fighting. And on top of fighting over holding hands, the older girl now becomes defiant.
He grows angrier still and is young and learning. He is learning that you can't force people to do anything but he is much older than her so he hasn't figured this out yet. And he doesn't understand why these rightful commands are so hard to follow.
His anger transforms into an ultimatum and he reaches across the table and hits and gets ready to hit her again.
And in a single moment, my mind flashes a thousand thoughts. I must protect her. Is this a hospital moment? But if I grab him, he loses his free will. And I am teaching him to control others forcefully. Is this a safe environment to experience consequences? Because I don't want his first mistakes to be out in the world.
"Hit me!", I yell out. It just came out. The kids all stop and stare at me. "Hit me." I say again. "Because when I see your anger it hurts me anyway. And when I see you kids fighting and I work so hard to prepare a meal to enjoy as a family, it hurts me anyway. And you are right about her behavior being uncalled for and inappropriate and if you feel the need for justification, let me pay the price. If the world I provide for you does not make you feel whole, because I have somehow fallen short in my parenting and you just don't have enough grace in your heart to give, then hit me."
My son, the unresolved anger in his heart, temporarily fades as my codependent tears trickle down my face.
And the girls stare in unbelief.
So much still to work through. But let's work through it togther. And the discussions start.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
And the kids wash their hands and sit, ready to pray. But the two little ones, fighting, fighting. Holding hands is such a challenge. And we are hungry and tired and each argumentative word lingers and puts pressure on our temperment. But I can wait through this.
Then, the oldest child, the boy, grows angry with impatience. He orders the older of the girls to stop their fighting. And on top of fighting over holding hands, the older girl now becomes defiant.
He grows angrier still and is young and learning. He is learning that you can't force people to do anything but he is much older than her so he hasn't figured this out yet. And he doesn't understand why these rightful commands are so hard to follow.
His anger transforms into an ultimatum and he reaches across the table and hits and gets ready to hit her again.
And in a single moment, my mind flashes a thousand thoughts. I must protect her. Is this a hospital moment? But if I grab him, he loses his free will. And I am teaching him to control others forcefully. Is this a safe environment to experience consequences? Because I don't want his first mistakes to be out in the world.
"Hit me!", I yell out. It just came out. The kids all stop and stare at me. "Hit me." I say again. "Because when I see your anger it hurts me anyway. And when I see you kids fighting and I work so hard to prepare a meal to enjoy as a family, it hurts me anyway. And you are right about her behavior being uncalled for and inappropriate and if you feel the need for justification, let me pay the price. If the world I provide for you does not make you feel whole, because I have somehow fallen short in my parenting and you just don't have enough grace in your heart to give, then hit me."
My son, the unresolved anger in his heart, temporarily fades as my codependent tears trickle down my face.
And the girls stare in unbelief.
So much still to work through. But let's work through it togther. And the discussions start.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
Moonlit Angels
You were my darling angel,
The memories flash through my mind,
Of when I would explode inside you,
And the two of us combined.
...
You let my eyes soak in your body,
Snapshots of sweet smooth skin,
Precious words of intimate connection,
Made me wish to go again.
...
Below me you softly whispered,
Commanding my raging beast,
Again and again this pleasure,
And my hands grabbed hard to feast.
...
Dear sweet lover,
Hold me til day arrives,
Kiss me in the moonlight,
Connect our two great lives.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2015
"The Poet's Soul" Google+ Community
"#5 Be inspired and let your words provide a story for these lovers. Paste your poem in the comments. Valentine's Day is coming up...get your romance flowing...throw in some naughty if you dare!"
Photo originally hosted at: www.fanpop.com by tanyya.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
The Addictive Environment
Addictive highs, practices, behaviors
Allow control, reduction, avoidance
Of the relational pain, vulnerability, risk
Involved with meeting real needs
Through true intimacy
By providing false fulfillment
Of acceptance, approval, affirmation,
In a predictable, risk-free, safe environment
Where there is no rejection, worthlessness, abandonment
But unfortunately...
An environment lacking true understanding, joy, love.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2014
Allow control, reduction, avoidance
Of the relational pain, vulnerability, risk
Involved with meeting real needs
Through true intimacy
By providing false fulfillment
Of acceptance, approval, affirmation,
In a predictable, risk-free, safe environment
Where there is no rejection, worthlessness, abandonment
But unfortunately...
An environment lacking true understanding, joy, love.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2014
Friday, January 2, 2015
Hopeless Love
What of the layers of love?
It grew inspired by intimacy,
And sprouted passion a plenty,
Only to be crushed by commitment.
It grew inspired by intimacy,
And sprouted passion a plenty,
Only to be crushed by commitment.
The Perfect Bite
I once new a girl,
Who looked at the world,
In a perfected form fashion.
...
She broke out a smile,
But all of the while,
Never released any passion.
...
With food and each bite,
What a gracious sight,
But did she really feel so free?
...
Once at In N Out,
We ended the drought,
With a unique discovery.
...
All of the hamburger ingredients,
she had only tasted one at a time,
But now she decided to stuff her mouth
and all of this, quite frankly, blew her mind.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2014
Who looked at the world,
In a perfected form fashion.
...
She broke out a smile,
But all of the while,
Never released any passion.
...
With food and each bite,
What a gracious sight,
But did she really feel so free?
...
Once at In N Out,
We ended the drought,
With a unique discovery.
...
All of the hamburger ingredients,
she had only tasted one at a time,
But now she decided to stuff her mouth
and all of this, quite frankly, blew her mind.
...
<SI> Scott Izu, PhD
© January 2014
Thursday, January 1, 2015
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